Families & Friends Affected By Suicide Support Group
Suicide affects not only the individual, but also the family and friends who provide support and love. This community is offered as a place for those affected by suicide to gather and gain strength from each other. PLEASE NOTE: If you are suffering from suicidal thoughts, please take advantage of our CRISIS RESOURCES, which you can find at the bottom of every page of the...
I lost my 18yo daughter to suicide on 5/12/14. i also have 2 other daughters ages 8 and 11. I'm looking for others who have a simular situation to help get each other through this difficult time.
My daughter did not leave a note. She was under stress and had mental health issues. She had been expelled from school but was able to finish school through cyber school. If she did the work she would be able to graduate from the school with her friends. However, she wasn't allowed to attend prom. She was on probation for 6 months for posession paraphanaila, Which is why she was expelled.
She stressed herself out over thinking she wasn't going to graduate because she was failing one class. She was on medications for her mental health but the dr was adjusting them and she was seeing a therapist. Unfortunaly my daughter didn't show any outward signs that she was thinking of suicide.
We're all having a hard time with this.
My daughter did not leave a note. She was under stress and had mental health issues. She had been expelled from school but was able to finish school through cyber school. If she did the work she would be able to graduate from the school with her friends. However, she wasn't allowed to attend prom. She was on probation for 6 months for posession paraphanaila, Which is why she was expelled.
She stressed herself out over thinking she wasn't going to graduate because she was failing one class. She was on medications for her mental health but the dr was adjusting them and she was seeing a therapist. Unfortunaly my daughter didn't show any outward signs that she was thinking of suicide.
We're all having a hard time with this.
My daughter suffered immensely from about age 14, had trouble with bullies in school (I took care of that with a good lawyer and the Superintendent of schools), developed extreme social anxiety and then paranoia (everyone, everywhere was talking about her). No one, two psychiatrists I took her to (once at age 7, again at age 13) or her therapists (she had several) recognized her Asperger's Syndrome. No one except for her last therapist recognized she had an underlying psychosis. I forced her to attend high school, I gave her no choice. Graduation day was the highlight of her life, she was so proud and happy. Then: slow crash followed by rapid onset of horrific, finally identified, psychoses: schizo-affective, bipolar. Thank God, she did leave me a letter.
The act of suicide is always, without exception, the result of inability to cope (you think you're having a problem coping with this horrible loss, multiply it by one thousand) with serious mental illness. My daughter was on an anti-psychotic also, had been hospitalized five times for elaborate suicide attempts (and I mean, elaborate: at one point I had the FBI and Homeland Security in my house because she had purchased drugs from Roumania, AND they came in the mail!) There is no rational thought in the moment of suicide, and in most cases (I believe) days, weeks, months before the act itself. There is NO ability to think: "What is this going to do to my mother?" None.
I suggest you find a certified grief counselor with a specialty in parents who have lost children, especially to suicide, and who also treats patients with severe suicidal tendencies. Easier said than done. Large medical teaching hospital in your area might have suggestions. Also, groups such as "Compassionate Friends" (I do NOT suggest you attend meetings) and NAMI (National Alliance for the Mentally Ill) in your area SHOULD have names of qualified therapists.
You say she didn't show "any outward signs" that she was thinking of suicide. This is typical of those who are serious. The people who threaten suicide (especially to mental health care providers) are not as serious (even though they often succeed when they really did not plan to succeed). Over and over again, my daughter absolutely refused to acknowledge that she was suicidal, to me, to psychiatrists in and out of the hospital, to therapists, to psychiatric nurse that came to my home twice a week. Not once. In fact, she vehemently denied it.
In the early months, I seriously considered it because how could I live with this horror? I had two therapists and a psychiatrist helping me (because I had a breakdown the day she died). Not once did I mention that I had a PLAN, not once did I mention I was seriously considering putting an end to my suffering. Not once. And, had I chosen to take that step (could not because I am not mentally ill), no one would ever have known because my intention would have been to SUCCEED.
Go to member created forum FOR MOMS ONLY. We are there, we are your sisters in grief, we understand the full horror of losing a child and many of us have lost our children to suicide.
The "stress" of failing is not what caused this. In her young life, she was facing a horror and torture unknown to any who are free of mental illness and/or have no personal attachment to someone who bears that horrible cross. No. You need a therapist, sister; and you need support that you probably will not get from your "friends", neighbors, and even family. Don't do this alone.
It's the number of a suicide prevention hotline. It's for anyone who has come into contact with a suicidal person in any way. My niece attempted several times, most recently in April this year. The crisis counselors I spoke to when I called listened to me and really helped me get my head on straight when my thoughts were spinning out of control.
Please believe me when I tell you there is nothing you could have done. This is not your fault and it isn't her fault either. She was ill. A mental illness did this. An illness with no outward symptoms, no signs, no way to stop it. And in my personal experience, it's okay to feel angry and sad and helpless and tired.