Families & Friends Affected By Suicide Support Group
Suicide affects not only the individual, but also the family and friends who provide support and love. This community is offered as a place for those affected by suicide to gather and gain strength from each other. PLEASE NOTE: If you are suffering from suicidal thoughts, please take advantage of our CRISIS RESOURCES, which you can find at the bottom of every page of the...
I'm not sure what to do with this.. truth is that I haven't done anything much with it over the years except to talk about it so freely that it is just a FACT.. anyway.. I've never counseled for it like I did over other issues in my life. I guess my first question is.. what issues are typical for children whose parents have committed suicide. I was 11 at the time. I believe that he was pushed into by the police. He was bipolar and just released from the hospital that day. It was too early a release obviously. He became out of control.. but was alone in the house. The police tried to get him out even though he was threatening his own life.. AND THEN THEY TOLD HIM THE HOUSE WAS SURROUNDED AND THEN THREW A TEAR GAS BOMB IN THE HOUSE AFTER HIM! He shot himself in the heart and died. I am angry over the police and the REALLY RIDICULOUS way the situation was handled. But on the other hand, I'm not sure what baggage I should be looking to take care of over this if any.. Can someone tell me what things I should be looking for to see if I am just ok because of all the years of easy talking? Thanks!
Those cops acted in a totally unacceptable way and very unprofessional plus not to mention STUPID. Someone with bipolar disorder can be extremely ill (even though many with this disorder live normally). WHY in the name of heaven did they feel it necessary to provoke someone who was already threatening to take his own life?? Plain stupidity and poor training, plus NO negotiator (which should have been on the scene.)
Rapid cycling bipolar (which involves anger,dissociation, suicidal thoughts) is a terrible disease. Even now, with new medications, it's difficult to control and a patient needs to find the appropriate combination of medications PLUS monitor their OWN condition, not easy. Both my parents were dysfunctional, my mother was a Narcissist and my father, although brilliant and well known in his area of expertise, obviously had problems from the little I know of his life. He died when I was ten under "mysterious" circumstances (supposedly fell down a flight of cement stairs and suffered a fatal brain injury but was this an accident or on purpose, who knows). It's very painful and confusing, not to mention emotionally devastating, to acknowledge parent(s) had serious problems. BUT IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH US. Children often take the blame, and they do it silently. You may very well have taken blame for your father's death and hopefully have worked through that with psychotherapy. But this last bit of information has caught you unaware.
My first impulse would be to go back to (or find) a psychotherapist who can help you deal with the anger. Your anger at how he was treated by the police has something to do with you, not just him. Unfortunately, what occurs to use during our younger years leaves us with permanent results, some of which we can manage and others we can acknowledge but which sometimes take control of our actions. All we can do is attempt to help ourselves and to trust God.
This is a bummer.
Cops can't be trusted.... here's what I know about how the cops and fire departments and Emergency rooms look at psych patients: they are a pain in the ass and the world is better off without them. So, the best thing to DO (because they see themselves as DOERS) is either drug them so the problem goes away, or if the opportunity arises, do things that "look like helping" but actually exacerbate the problem.
I want to point out that this is NOT their (the individuals) fault. There is like some sort of stupid sick programming that goes on... or some sort of natural hard-wiring built into us, or into these systems, that makes this happen.
They use tactics that usually work with sane people, knowing that they are not dealing with a sane person, and they say "Gosh it's too bad" he got violent when they had to have KNOWN what would or could go down.
The point is that they have a resolve that taking "any action is better than taking no action."
And they just aren't #1 naturally compassionate and understanding of people with mental illness. They don't have the mindset to acquire the skills needed to REACH OUT to someone who is suicidal. And they may have called for an expert to show up, but in the waiting... they are faced with this unbearable pressure to "take action"
I am not defending them... NOT defending them. I am just trying to shed light on what I see as my dad was a psychiatrist and was the person who was called at times like these. And this came from him and his experience.
IT does take someone who WANTS to reach the mentally ill person.
If you have ever talked to someone with dementia or someone delusional, you will know what I mean. You can have a perfectly nonsensical conversation and still walk away from it feeling like you somehow got something out of it, or like you connected.
It takes trying 10000 different approaches, not just in what you say, but in how you listen.
There aren't a lot of people who can do that. The mental work alone is staggering. Being able to peice a puzzle together while tied to the back of a race car. It's not easy.
And there is no guarantee, even if someone who CAN connect and does connect with the suicidal person, that they will be able to talk him or her out of it.
So, to the drones on the police force... who are expected to take action... they see it as their result is maybe just as meaningful and probably a lot quicker (and time is money).
It is reallly REALLY unfortunate.
The whole thing. Really really stupid, and I am so sorry.
Woops