Families & Friends Affected By Suicide Support Group
Suicide affects not only the individual, but also the family and friends who provide support and love. This community is offered as a place for those affected by suicide to gather and gain strength from each other. PLEASE NOTE: If you are suffering from suicidal thoughts, please take advantage of our CRISIS RESOURCES, which you can find at the bottom of every page of the...
I have a friend whom I've known since high school (more than 20 years now). She is ridiculously intelligent and artistic and often feels like no one can possibly understand how her mind works. When she gets depressed or overwhelmed, she will shut down and become like a sort of vegetable. In such a state, she is impossible to interact with and it is extremely draining (and fruitless) to even try.
Five years ago this summer, her significant other committed suicide in front of her with a gun. He had a long history of depression and was (probably) bipolar or had some other type of mental illness that he was not being treated for. It was (of course), extremely traumatic and painful for her and she has said that she does not expect she will ever be in a relationship again. (She was 34 when he killed himself.)
Now, the business that he started (and which they ran together) is on the brink of bankruptcy and her mood is beyond black. She has said several times (in emails) that if the business goes under, she will have lost everything that means anything to her. She has said that she will cease to exist. When I asked for specifics, she said she didn't know if she meant literally or figuratively, but that it really didn't matter to her one way or the other.
I'm at a loss as to what to do. She lives in another state so I can't drop by. She hasn't been answering my emails for the last two weeks. I suspect she wouldn't answer the phone if I called. I know she is very close with her mother, but I don't know if calling her mom myself would really help anything of if I would just come across as nosy and pushy. I'm hoping that her mother would have called me if she actually did do something to herself ... but maybe she wouldn't.
My gut instinct is that she wouldn't actively hurt herself (she owns several guns), but would just shut down like she has before ... to the point where she didn't eat or sleep or anything ... like a "passive" suicide attempt.
She has a deep-seated scorn for psychiatrists, therapists, or anyone else who might try to "understand" how her brain works... she's said before that she would deal with such people by just shutting them out completely. She would never take anti-depressants and she isn't talking to anyone about what is going on with her right now. As far as she is concerned, she has evaluated every possible option and she doesn't have a way out ... the business will fail and she will "disappear." She has no interest in any dissenting viewpoints.
From my own point of view, I never actually met her significant other before he killed himself. But I read his MySpace page and when he started posting obviously suicidal notes, I sent a couple of messages trying to talk him out of it. When he responded, he was aggressive and hostel and it was a very negative exchange. And it didn't help anyway, obviously, since he was dead within 24 hours.
I guess I'm hoping to prevent a second suicide, if it should get to that. I'm wanting suggestions for things to say or do that might alter this course she seems set on. But, based on my previous experience with this, I don't seem to know what WILL help.
Thanks in advance.
Five years ago this summer, her significant other committed suicide in front of her with a gun. He had a long history of depression and was (probably) bipolar or had some other type of mental illness that he was not being treated for. It was (of course), extremely traumatic and painful for her and she has said that she does not expect she will ever be in a relationship again. (She was 34 when he killed himself.)
Now, the business that he started (and which they ran together) is on the brink of bankruptcy and her mood is beyond black. She has said several times (in emails) that if the business goes under, she will have lost everything that means anything to her. She has said that she will cease to exist. When I asked for specifics, she said she didn't know if she meant literally or figuratively, but that it really didn't matter to her one way or the other.
I'm at a loss as to what to do. She lives in another state so I can't drop by. She hasn't been answering my emails for the last two weeks. I suspect she wouldn't answer the phone if I called. I know she is very close with her mother, but I don't know if calling her mom myself would really help anything of if I would just come across as nosy and pushy. I'm hoping that her mother would have called me if she actually did do something to herself ... but maybe she wouldn't.
My gut instinct is that she wouldn't actively hurt herself (she owns several guns), but would just shut down like she has before ... to the point where she didn't eat or sleep or anything ... like a "passive" suicide attempt.
She has a deep-seated scorn for psychiatrists, therapists, or anyone else who might try to "understand" how her brain works... she's said before that she would deal with such people by just shutting them out completely. She would never take anti-depressants and she isn't talking to anyone about what is going on with her right now. As far as she is concerned, she has evaluated every possible option and she doesn't have a way out ... the business will fail and she will "disappear." She has no interest in any dissenting viewpoints.
From my own point of view, I never actually met her significant other before he killed himself. But I read his MySpace page and when he started posting obviously suicidal notes, I sent a couple of messages trying to talk him out of it. When he responded, he was aggressive and hostel and it was a very negative exchange. And it didn't help anyway, obviously, since he was dead within 24 hours.
I guess I'm hoping to prevent a second suicide, if it should get to that. I'm wanting suggestions for things to say or do that might alter this course she seems set on. But, based on my previous experience with this, I don't seem to know what WILL help.
Thanks in advance.
deleted_user
Your friend's unwillingness and resistance to therapy and medication, coupled with her dark depression, suggest she's suffering from a serious pathology. If I were her mother, I WOULD WANT TO KNOW. How will you feel if this young woman takes her life and you had NOT warned her mother? Whether or not her mother can DO anything is questionable; she's an adult. But someone SHOULD know and YOU are the person with the information. NO ONE suffering from any sort of mental illness should have ANY weapons. DO NOT assume she won't use them, it's not realistic.
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