Here is a good place for sure to let it out one way or the other. I am sorry to hear you are going through this. I too have struggled with it as well. My brother has commited suicide and a family friend, and so many others around me. It's awful to hear but totally understandable when you know where the darkess and sadness and hopelessness can bring someone who struggles with mental illness. I always feel it should be me instead of them.
I just found out that a friend my son goes to school with just shot himself. Awful, awful to hear. Only about fifteen years old, and didn't know what else to do or how to seek good help. Yeah sure this kid had some depression issues and has been broken up by a girl he really cared about.
Kids today really lack some understanding about what relationships are about, both intimate and non. SO much more we could teach them, and that it's okay to feel it just notvery bright to act on such dangerous thoughts. I wish I could have been there for this boy, and now my own son is going through a break up. There are so many other different people out there it's just a matter of finding the right one.
Anyways enough on that. Each and every suicide I hear off or see or know someone, it really does hit hard especially when you know exactly what they are feeling and going through. It can take a matter of seconds and just listening and talking to some one until the thought goes away for then. That is the sad part too, when it's over and you know it will come back, and you have to try and convince yourself again to give it a few seconds and talk it through. The same cycle gets old but it is truly what we have to use in our tool boxes. You really need the right people to help you through it and who knows your impacted by it and how. If any of that makes sense. I know when I am in that state of mind it's tough to stop the negative self talk going on in your head and you just want to scream, then your out and thinking good but all of a sudden that stupid sentence pops up, "your so worthless" or whatever it may be for you, but it's all negative self distruction. Writing it down and getting it out somehow for that very moment really does help. Thanks for sharing your post, I really need to learn more here from others and why it is for them that do succeed in suicide they can't get out of there heads long enough I guess. Thanks again hope you are feeling better now.