Estranged Parents and Adult children Community Group
This group is for all parents of adult children that are or have been estranged. A place to vent and share.
Hello everyone. I found this site searching for any on-line help I could find about problems with adult children. As soon as I started reading your posts, I knew I was supposed to be here and I would find comfort here. My son (34 yo) and I are estranged for many years --- and I am ok with that because neither of us is hurt anymore and we have no expectations of the other one. My daughter (31 yo), on the other hand, is totally different. She is a bully ----- in her eyes I do nothing right. We have limited contact (even though she is only 15 minutes away) and the few calls or visits we do have are almost always from me, and they end up with her criticizing me about everything from things that she perceives from her childhood to just flat out being hateful to me. I can respect that perception is the reality you have to deal with - I too deal with my own perception of what happened 20 years ago. She seems to have forgotten all the apologies for her perceived events of the past and yes, we have had a recent blow-up and this is why I began searching for help. The stress of the constant bullying is affecting my health - both physically and mentally. According to her, her dad and step-mom are now perfect and I am a failure. There are grandchildren involved and it breaks my heart that I am not included in their lives but I also feel like the negativity towards me from her is not good for the children either. I have asked for "mutual respect" but it doesn't happen. Thanks for listening everyone. It helps the hurt just to know that I am not alone.
deleted_user
Nope, you're not alone. Lots of people here going through the same thing. It's so odd knowing that the children you gave birth to are out there --nearby or far away-- but no longer attached to you. No longer intertwined in that special parent-child way. What makes it even harder is, no matter what the circumstances truly were, the sensation of being at fault, of being judged by other parents and other children whose situations turned out differently and better. All you can do is keep moving forward. And if your forward movement is hindered by dead weight (by that I mean things that appear to have no hope of improving) cut the dead weight loose. Maybe things will be better between you and your kids later, further down the road. But don't let them hold you back from "being all that you can be".
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