Hi Mama C. My only child, a son, has been estranged from me now for approximately 2 months. He is 24 yrs old and has the had an "entitlement" attitude for quite some time now. When I told him I would no longer sign on any further student loans for him he told me I was screwing him out of his college education and stopped all communication with me. I am sad and angry all at the same time.

I haven't shared my estrangement issue with many of my friends. I'm not sure they think I will get over it or if my son will just "snap" out if it and stop being such an a$$. Either way, it's one of those battles that parents seem to fight on their own and it doesn't get brought up much.

Do you struggle at all with what you should do. For example, should I send him an e-mail, letter, card in the mail to let him know I love him and he will always be my son, but he needs to learn to stand on his own two feet and start figuring life out? I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Either way, thanks for letting me send you a note and I'd love to hear back if you feel like swapping stories and/or thoughts suggestions.

Thanks,
MNMom12

You are far from alone, welcome to Daily Strength where many parents struggle to understand this word estrangement - it is difficult, tough, sad, and can get down right ugly and hurtful. Know you are FAR from alone, many parents (I am 63) struggle with the same issues.

Keep your head up, live life with your partner, don't look for what you did wrong, for you did nothing wrong, enjoy the moment for what it is, and write anytime, of your feelings.

Welcome and feel free to vent, scream, whatever you need, to help you get through this, kindness and warmth sent your way.

Hi,

Today is my eldest daughter's birthday.

We haven't seen her since December 26th 2002. A year earlier - December 1st 2001, she rang - just come... No need to say why -and she barely said a word about what happened, wouldn't report it. . .
On Christmas Day 02, she urged me to take a break, she'd cook dinner. We went out - me, my husband, two younger daughters. Our son was away on a gap year. Coming in, the smell of bleach and disinfectant hit us... She'd cooked nothing, taken the kitchen apart., called everything filthy...
We'd seen, already, that her hands were scrubbed raw... You'll never see me again, you destroyed my life, you're evil, evil, evil., all you ever cared about was X - my son, multiple admissions, paediatrician, orthopaedic, opthalmic for years... ( teaches at a UK university now)

She was born at 1.30 a.m. Today, I woke, the exact time, almost choking. (Rational explanation - muscle spasm, anxiety stress.) My eldest girl is from my first (student) marriage, opposed on religious grounds by my parents. My first husband met someone else, she was having his child. He never, ever came to the hospital or paediatrician with me. I had to keep all the medical appointments. Thanks to the medics, he survived -

When I married again my mother (headteacher) warned - a week before the birth, that a girl would damage and distress my eldest. Two more girls... But my eldest had always asked for a baby sister'...
The guilt never leaves... ' You never loved me, all you ever cared about was X' Not true...

Six years ago, we were notified about her wedding - that we'd be banned. All my birth family were invited. Gossip needed one word...

Not true. I always loved her., always will. Pregnant with my son - the eldest, I thought of a daughter...

' Kelkheim.'

I am hurting - Lonely - Alone - Sad as my only son has broken all contact from me because his partner does not like me. It shouldn't stop me from seeing my GC but it has! I have thought of suicide many, many times. I feel very unloved and my son and I were so close BEFORE meeting his partner. I have two GC that i can no longer see at all! I feel hopeless and abandoned, just like when my mother left I was 8 and Dad became an Alcoholic (RIP, Dad).

The pain of estrangement and feelings of abandonment are real. But it’s funny how the attitude of the “estrangers” changes when they see that you have graciously accepted the circumstances and have moved on with your own life.