Estranged Parents and Adult children Community Group
This group is for all parents of adult children that are or have been estranged. A place to vent and share.
Part 1: My daughter/Mothers day:
What she did to me today! I am in so much pain! She sent my mother flowers but not me! She let it out by accident over the phone .... Said she could not afford to send to both of us. She and hub both work, no kids.
My hb and I gave her $30,0000 for a downpayment on their house just 2 weeks ago (that does not matter, because money is not what I care about). But the fact that she would do this is just too much. She used, as an excuse, a pay cut. So send cards instead? Cheaper flowers? No, this is not good. Why? Why would she do this to me
I could see all of this if we were "Mommie Dearest" (movie about a horribly abusive, unloving mother), but we were not. We loved her.; we gave her in every way. There was alot of love, affection, positive affirmation, no abuse of any kind. And yet she is angry at me. She says she had a rough childhood because I was sick alot of the time. Is being ill a crime? I still took care of her; so did my hubby and my mom.
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Part 2:
Two weeks have gone by and I want to call her and ask her why she has been treating me badly for so long. She rarely calls, once ever 2 or 3 months, limits the calls, often says she has about two minutes for me, and on and on and I accept the crumbs! She keeps it very superficial between us and I cannot talk about anything that is wrong with my life, ever. Once I called because I was going through alot of oral surgery and was scared. I called her for moral support ... I was in alot of pain ... and in the middle of it, she said, are we going to talk about me now?
She has come to me when her relationship broke off, when her dog died and at difficult times in her life and I have always ... always ... been there for her. I evven told her the phone was next to my bed and to call any time. She knows this and has told people I am the kind of person that is really "there for her" in a way most people cannot be. She tells me she knows she was loved, that I did my best, that I was always there when she needed me, etc., .... but apparently it was not enough.
I feel like this book I saw. The title was something like: "Will Love for Crumbs"..
This is so painful. What do I do now. She will probably call in a month of so like nothing happened. What do I say? What would you do? If I bring it up, a fight will s tart and the conversation will end.
I am hurting.
Thanks.
What she did to me today! I am in so much pain! She sent my mother flowers but not me! She let it out by accident over the phone .... Said she could not afford to send to both of us. She and hub both work, no kids.
My hb and I gave her $30,0000 for a downpayment on their house just 2 weeks ago (that does not matter, because money is not what I care about). But the fact that she would do this is just too much. She used, as an excuse, a pay cut. So send cards instead? Cheaper flowers? No, this is not good. Why? Why would she do this to me
I could see all of this if we were "Mommie Dearest" (movie about a horribly abusive, unloving mother), but we were not. We loved her.; we gave her in every way. There was alot of love, affection, positive affirmation, no abuse of any kind. And yet she is angry at me. She says she had a rough childhood because I was sick alot of the time. Is being ill a crime? I still took care of her; so did my hubby and my mom.
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Part 2:
Two weeks have gone by and I want to call her and ask her why she has been treating me badly for so long. She rarely calls, once ever 2 or 3 months, limits the calls, often says she has about two minutes for me, and on and on and I accept the crumbs! She keeps it very superficial between us and I cannot talk about anything that is wrong with my life, ever. Once I called because I was going through alot of oral surgery and was scared. I called her for moral support ... I was in alot of pain ... and in the middle of it, she said, are we going to talk about me now?
She has come to me when her relationship broke off, when her dog died and at difficult times in her life and I have always ... always ... been there for her. I evven told her the phone was next to my bed and to call any time. She knows this and has told people I am the kind of person that is really "there for her" in a way most people cannot be. She tells me she knows she was loved, that I did my best, that I was always there when she needed me, etc., .... but apparently it was not enough.
I feel like this book I saw. The title was something like: "Will Love for Crumbs"..
This is so painful. What do I do now. She will probably call in a month of so like nothing happened. What do I say? What would you do? If I bring it up, a fight will s tart and the conversation will end.
I am hurting.
Thanks.
We think about her everyday and its very painful. But we also have that "just been thrown under the bus" feeling too. Although we're sad, we're also hurt and angry.
We've pretty much settled on the likelihood we'll never see her again (and if we do, she's going to have to offer a serious apology). We're going through a transition of restructuring into a new next phase of our lives. Much different than we thought it would be. But we're going to be happy and at peace again.
You can too.
Best regards,
Jonesberry