Yes. I don't think they are trying to be hurtful on purpose, but I think it is very difficult for them to understand. I think with some of my family members it is difficult for them to deal with the fact that I am in a hard place, so it is easier for them to avoid the issue.

I've had to accept the fact that I can't make them understand. I talk to some friends/family members more than others about my issues. If they don't understand or want to understand, then I won't open myself up to be hurt. I can't blame them for not understanding...I wouldn't have understood how much it affects you, either, if I hadn't experienced it myself. I try to remember that when dealing with other people who have difficulties. I've also tried to be as blunt as possible about the information I'm learning. I know sometimes people get tired of hearing about it, but I am the only way they will know what endo is. I try not to talk about it too much, but when I do I say as much as I can. ;)

Could you let her read some of the book? Maybe she should go along to a dr appt so she can hear it being explained? I know my mom would much rather hear info straight from a doctor's mouth than "this is what I read on the internet." Sorry it is so hurtful! I also got a lot of comments when I went gluten-free, but I was clear that I needed support with the diet, regardless of whether or not they thought it was a good idea. Hope things get better!

My stepmother had endo, and she is less than supportive of my struggles. I don't understand how that is, because she had it! She has said to me " you and every other woman in America has it" , and when I had to go on Lupron because the doctor told me not to get pregnant now, she acted like it was no big deal. I just don't get it, I thought I would get some understanding. She has asked how I'm feeling on the meds, and then when I tell her a symptom she just says, yeah I know how that feels. But it's different for me, it's not normal to be going through chemical menopause at 30! Oh we'll, I guess some people just don't get it, and that everyone's struggle with this disease is different.

Im sorry! I have explained to my mom a million times what endo is and after each doctor appt I tell her that they think I have it, every single time she asks what it is. I swear it goes in one ear and out the other! Hahaha moms! Maybe shes just worried for you...keep your head up! :)

Im sorry :-(

I know the feeling. For years i told my mom i was in alot of pain especially during my period and i was either called a hypochondriac, told to quit being a girl and just deal with my cramps, and that she thought id pulled a muscle and gave me some tylenol. My parents were split up and I barely saw my dad, after 3 years of telling them both I couldnt take the pain anymore, dad finally got me to an ER and they found the endo.

My mom calls me a pill head too. Makes fun of my endo, laughs and says "why waste money on condoms/BC? You cant get pregnant anyway" Makes fun of my hot flashes too.. It really hurts to be made fun of for endo.. And out of my 4 surguries, she only showed to one because my dad cussed her out and my older sis drove her. She wouldnt come if she had to drive. Showed up in sleep pants and a t-shirt and no bra..Shes known about my upcoming one as long as I have and shes been giving me excuses on why she cant come since I told her Im getting it (note, she is unemployed and sits at home all day living off the govt)

She thinks im just exaggerating my pain too.

So i totally understand someone close hurting you, and the family not listening. I hope yours becomes a little more supportive :-)

Yep! Sorry your mom is being so insensitive, if thats the word, doesnt seem strong enough for that comment. Thats pretty blatant! You're obiously not a hypochondriac, you have endometriosis and sufffer from that and I know are having difficulty ttc...so you know you're not. Moms have a tricky way of making us feel like scared little girls when they're that way!
Its been just me and my mom as far as I can remember (till i got married), and we're just oil and water. Shes very cold and very passive agressive and it feels as though she doesnt love me, ive felt that a long time. I know she doesnt understand. She pretends to, but its not so fake and not authentic.
After my miscarriages and my finding out i wouldnt be able to ttc again because of the HG, she told me my cousin was pregnant and due a few days after my baby was due; It had only been a month since i lost my baby and had HG and was seriously deathly ill (HG) from being pregnant then miscarried (the pregnancy and loss were a horror, I experienced PTSD after! again she didnt seem to care at all about!)...I cried in front of her when she told me-BIG mistake...she just stared at me with no feeling and changed the subject. It hurt so much that my own mother didnt hug me, or ask if i was ok, or something. But I knew better than to cry in front of her, it was just a mistake.
I could go on for hours about the mean or nasty, or just insensitive shit she's said.
I went through all of my health problems, especially endo my whole life ALONE till my husband. Now Im not gonna have her knowing i will not ever conceive again. She is not interested in that at all.
It makes me so angry that she's so cold an unavailable. And Im sorry you seem to have a similar issue, it hurts a lot, its your mom afterall! If anyone should understand its her!
I just dont bother to tell her anything anymore, just need to know stuff. Its very sad, well heart breaking. Ive given up. Its been too long, ive tried to get love and support since i was a baby, and im not gonna get it. So, thats it.
I hope your mom will open herself up to you, you deserve it! XX!

Wow! I seem to have hit on a sore spot, eh? We all have hurtful people who keep digging and digging and digging...

@hotchocolate. you are right. She doesn't mean to be hurtful on purpose. and my psychologist says I should just avoid talking to my mom about health topics, but it's sooooo hard. I have always felt that mom manipulated my sister and I to "tell her everything" and I've gotten better about not talking to her, but I still slip up.
I'd love for her to read a bit of the book - here's crossing my fingers.

@supersmish - I think our moms and step moms were born in a different time. A time without a lot of medical answers and the attitude of "buck up." I know I'm weak compared to my mom who also had painful periods (a hint that she may have had endo us)...but either the pregnancies she had put it into remision, or she never had it take over her life like it has mine...I feel like your step mom and my mom just don't want to listen to what we have to say. I hope we become better people because of this experience.

@cses - that is HORRIBLE!!! It's like me explaining to my mom what I do for a living. She still doesn't know, and seems to not care. So thoughtless...

@Jess - the condoms thing made me laugh. First thing mom said when I told her I had to have my tubes removed was "well, guess you won't need BC anymore." At the time it made me giggle, because I was in the right mood, but in truth the whole situation was extremely painful (we are ttc and now it's ivf or nothing!). Your mom sounds like she is scared about your surgeries. She has a barrier to allowing her to take it on emotionally. I'm sorry.
I had to tell my mother in law to come visit me after surgery. It's my 3rd surgery this year and they didn't call or visit with the 1st two and they live 1.5 miles away!!! Then my sister-i-l gave me grief called me "needy" and all "my boyfriend's mom is not that needy for her surgery...she's an independent woman." Well f that! Her surgery was on her knee. People don't get it, and yet somehow I still love em. How do you feel about your mom - other than hurt?

@yankee, your mom takes the cake. She sounds like a monster. Is it ok if I say that? I'm sooooo sorry. Could this be a reason that we come to DS so much? Such horrible support from our families? My mom also said insensitive things when I miscarried. I was balling because I'd just found out - so I turned to her for support. and she was all "buck up, stop your crying, it's not the end of the world. what would your workplace think if they saw you crying? you better not be crying when you are at work, that will get you fired." So it sounds like you still have a relationship with her? Sometimes I want to write her off completely...other times I see a glimmer of love and interest and I so miss the good times with my mom...it's hard, right?

Big hugs, sounds like we have some messed up home stuff going on. I had no idea and feel very bonded with you right now.

I think you are right about the barrier thing.

I love her because shes my mom, but hate the things shes put me through.

Im not open with my mom anymore, just tell her the need-to-know stuff and thats it. She was abusive all my life, did crack, smoked weed, and drank a 5th of whiskey every night while pregnant with me AND got a tattoo. When she was in her 3rd trimester with me the docs told her i had a hole in my heart and my digestive system wouldnt be fully formed by the time i was born. I was so tiny i looked like i was premature even tho i was born on my due date. Only 4lbs, so tiny, my parents had to buy cabbage patch baby doll diapers for me because nothing else fit...my mom was afraid to touch me because i seemed fragile so dad took care of me all my life.

moms drinking and drug use got bad in my teens, she was pretty much a hooker (had men coming in though the back door all hours of the night) and it was just me taking care of myself, my younger sis, and youngest sis who i took care of since birth. She still calls me mom..Growing up, my mom would tell me every day before school what was wrong with my face, that i was ugly..

My mom didnt even go to my highschool grad, never listens, very self centered. I cant help but feel like she doesnt care. Never has. Maybe its guilt for what she did while pregnant? I dont know. Ive gave her chances again and again but she always proves me right and makes me feel stupid and heart broken for trusting her. I just do what i can to keep the peace.

Sorry for rambling lol guess it just hurts still, the feeling that she doesnt care ya know? Helps getting it out, sorry for the novel! lol

Seems us ladies have all gone through alot! But, what doesnt kill ya makes you stronger :-) And i see some pretty darn strong women in this group :-)

Yes...my mom is impossible, to say it kindly. I wont get into anything too detailed I have given up on getting emotional support/caring or understanding from her. Ive been let down waaaaaay to many times. So with my health, i was just alone. She knew i was sick, but ignored it and left me to deal with it.
In the past year, Ive also learned through talking to a great therapist that her not feeling for me isnt my fault. Though it hurts a lot. Ive given up on the hope that Im gonna get love/support from her. I have to let it go.
Erin, I really hope and pray your mom will give you the support and love you need. I know we're both adults, in our 30's...but we still need our mommy's. Its a HUGE void when you dont have them. Im sure theres still a lot of hope for you and her! but just remember, whatever support she cant give you, is not your fault.

I totally know the feeling @yankees8, ive givin up on love/support from my mom too. If i had a daughter with endo, id help her fight every step of the way, not fight her every step of the way.

@jessnichole
I'm so sorry about what you've gone through and are going through . I do understand, and have dealt with similar situations. It's good but sad that you know you can't change your mom, sometimes it's useless and hurts us more to keep trying when there's no possibility. I hope you know you're a beautiful and very worthy young woman. ( I see your picture, you're gorgeous and adorable!) of course it's the inside that matters and youve got that covered too! Have you spoken to a therapist about what you've gone through?

Aww thanks @yankees8 :'-)

Ive talked to a couple therapists but they always upset me for some reason and i end up leaving sobbing. They usually tell me im really mature for my age and that ive had a very hard life, that i probably hav severe emotional truama...hell, a gyno even told me to see a therapist because of my past and he thought me going thru menopause so young hurt me and my self esteem. ive considered seeing another therapist but it makes me feel weak. I hate that im on antidepressants but they help (im diagnosed mannic depressive and bipolar. such fun lol)

@Jess, sooooo sorry to hear more details about what you have been through. Wow! You are a very strong person, someone that I now admire.

Agree, if I have a child, I will be more supportive and will listen to their challenges with intent. I get nervous that I won't really be able to do this with our future child, but must realize that I am a different person from my mom.

We all are.
@jess, I have gone through periods with a shrink, and times when I am sick of them. It takes a while to build repoire and time to find one that I click with. In the end, the good ones have been worth the effort. The others? Not so much.

Huge hugs...

Thanks @endowife :-) means alot :-) I dont think im very strong, I just had a job to do and people who depended on me to do it. Yeah, i grew up fast, but my little sisters never went a night without food in their bellys and clean clothes for school the next day :-)

I know ive had a rough life, i just try to tell myself everything happens for a reason. Maybe I went through what I did so Id be strong enough to fight my endo? I dont know. All I can do is keep on living, and try to stay positive about the future :-)

And if I do have a little girl one day, Id hug her tight, let her know I love her, and tell her how beautiful she is every day. Because, i never got that from my mom. I get nervous at times too @endowife, im worried id be like my mom, but I think I proved to myself im not like her already when I took care of HER children and myself.

But i will greatly consider seeing a shrink. Its probably not good walking around with all this hurt, not just physical, but emotional as well.

Thanks for listenin yall :-) It really does mean alot :-) Im so happy I joined this board :-) Its helped me greatly by having people who really understand

:-). Your words bring a smile to my day.

@jessnichole-
I know...finding the right therapist and feeling comfortable and trusting them is hard. I went through a few before i found mine. Me and her really connect, and i trust her. I think thats key. Im really changing for the better in a lot ways, and learning about things, like the relationship with my mom. Also me and her just talk...she doesnt label things. And she doesnt keep telling me how much trauma ive been through. Its like, we already know this, pleae dont pitty me! But, its best to find someone to listen to YOU, and you'll find you start listening to yourself. You'd be very surprised to learn what you really feel, and yeah, its not fun to let yourself feel the pain we all try to run from, but I swear its essential to grow. Its a long process. Perhaps one day you'll find someone who you can trust and can help you out!
You're not weak if you ask for help. To admit you need help in it of itself is a strength. To admit you want to better your life and self is smart and strong.
Be well!