So, I don’t know how to start this and i never thought i would join a support group. But here it goes, my name is Samuel (30) and my wife's name is Megan (27). So, me and my wife have been married for 3 years and we have a little girl that will be 2 in august. When we got together, she didn’t know she had endo and the doctors told her she had cancer. They told her she beat it but when we moved to Arizona we got a second opinion about it and they said she had a tumor, they went in and to remove the tumor on her ovary and come to find out that it was a chocolate cyst and that doctor said she had the worst  endo he had ever seen and that she had stage 4 endo and he was going to do a hysterectomy but since we didn’t have children he decided that it was not the best idea. Instead he just performed a laparoscopy. This is how we found out she had her stage 4 endometriosis.  

So, let me take a step back now. When we first got together my Megan was a very touchy-feely woman and I loved that, there was intimacy and we had sex a lot and we cuddled in bed, touched one another, there was intimacy.

So 2 weeks after the laparoscopy Megan was run off the road by a semi-truck driver, she wasn’t hurt externally but internally she had a concussion, whiplash, she needed to begin to wear glasses, her hands began to get carpal tunnel and her shoulders are now beginning to deteriorate, we are in a lawsuit against the truck driver that caused the accident so this has put stress on her. So, 2 weeks later she was on pain medication and decided she wanted to have sex and we conceived our daughter that night.

Since the accident, the intimacy has been dwindling away, and where were living she said it depressed her to where she didn’t clean, just let stuff pile up and I would work 11 hours a day doing security at the department of child safety so not the best place to work but I needed to support my family and with a baby on the way I was kicking it into over drive. And with all the stresses going on we went from sex to a few times a few don’t to once a week now its gotten to the point its maybe once a month or none at all.

(I’ll just say this I’m not a perfect husband I am far from it but I do try and I’m not going to tell you guys that I didn’t do anything wrong because I have I’m just doing my best to tell you what has been going on. Just a side note)

 So, we were able to get a loan from her relatives to buy a 40-acre property. That had a well on it 2 houses and everything set up. We made an agreement that she would clean the house when due to me working 66-hour weeks, and the house would be maintained. And we would try to restart our intimacy and reconnect. That did not not happen I have to clean the house put our baby to bed most nights and make my own meals. Every time I try to touch her Megan tells me that she is hurting, and that she is bleeding and that she doesn’t want to cuddle because she moves around to much because of the pain. We hardly kiss anymore, sleep in separate rooms and every time I bring up sex it turns into a fight. We wanted to try for a son, she has told me her body cannot take it and talked about IVF and she says her body cannot take it. We talked about adoption and surrogacy and she tells me she cannot love something that did not come from her.

On Fathers-day of 2020 she gave me some alcohol and approached me saying “Sam how would you feel if we stayed partners for our daughter but weren’t together anymore.”  I told her what she meant by that, she was hinting at a divorce and told me that she cant talk to me I only want sex from her and that she’s just not happy because of her illnesses and that I use it as a weapon all the time (granted it comes up in our fights but not all the time.) I am currently looking for a marriage councilor to help save our marriage, I am currently researching endo more and hoping to find something to help my wife. And I’m joining support groups to help me because I don’t know what to do anymore. What can I do?