Hi,

I have a long story but I am hoping to find some support here.  I got my period when I was 10 years old.  They were very very heavy from the very beginning.  I had awful cramps and IBS.  As I got into my teens I developed ovarian cysts and was put on the pill for several years and it helped with the pain and bleeding.  Once I went off it things returned to the way they were before. I got horrible pains and IBS every cycle heavy bleeding and became anemic. I developed a huge mass on my ovary when I was 28 and could hardly walk and what started out as a laproscopic surgery to remove the mass ended up an open lap and I lost part of my ovary and my tube.  My doctor said I had a ton of endo and the mass was an endometrioma. She assured me I could still get pregnant because the other side was fine. Thank God I was able to get pregnant naturally and with twins.  We couldn't belive it.  Unfortunatly due to the twins and the endo I ended up with placenta pervia and was on bedrest and bleeding most of my pregnancy.  I hemmoraged at 24 weeks and 6 days and they were delivered emergency c-section. (Thank God I was on bed rest in the hospital or we would have not made it.) I am pleased to say after 3 months in the NICU my baby girls came home and are healthy 8 year olds now.  When they were 4 I started having extreme abdominal pain with my cycles and a mass was found. I had another surgery to remove that and it was determined most likly from the emergency c-section my endo spred and I now have abdominal wall endo.  Fast forward to now and on the side where I had my first surgery I am in horrible pain 2 1/2 weeks out of the month. My period has gotten very heavy again and I have major pain with ovulation.  Spotting about 5 days before my period and bleeding with sex.  I am in agony all the time and I feel so helpless.  My last ultra sound was normal aside from some scar tissue and I have to schedule a follow up for another because that was several months ago.  I just really really don't want another surgery.  Not only am I petrified of hospitals and anasthesia but I know it will only create more scar tisssue especially since it is in my abdomial wall.  I am also pertrified it has turned into something worse like cancer.  Nobody in my family understands this.  I try so hard to keep up with all of my activities and work and my active 8 year old daughters.  My husband is so frustrated because I never want to have sex and I am always complaining of pain.  He just want me to get surgery again, my mother tells me to just stop when I complain.  I truely have no support. I do my best to smile and get through my days but it is so exhusting and depressing. I am living with daily panic attacks because of this and I am so afraid I am going to die.  My periods have become irregular I am 41 now and I am getting cramping again.  This disease is just so horrible and lonely and I feel so bad for anyone having to deal with this.  Just because I may look fine on the outside aside from my tears it does not mean I am.  I am just so scared and lonely with this.  I am just hear looking for others that can understand.  Thanks for taking the time to read this.  Wishing you all a pain free day and my support.