I just had to ask because I have been noticing a pattern. A week before or maybe even a few days before my periods start I am an emotional wreck. It might be stress I take two well soon to be one college class. The other one because of the endo I got so sick one week my teacher wouldn't let me make up an important exam and during that time I even had to go to the ER because of the pain and the nausea and vomiting. I had three cysts. It was a male teacher so Im still a little grumpy. I have a hard time talking to my gyno about it. She is new and after I refused the Lupron she just acts like she doesn't know what else to do for endo. Plus being diagnosed with depression the last time I was in the office her nurse was asking me questions and we got to the part about my last miscarriage. I got a little upset even though it has been two years. Then I tell her that sex still is painful after my surgery last March which to me is embarrassing to talk about and it makes me sad. She just pats my knee and says that mental illness is nothing to be ashamed of. I didn't know I should feel ashamed. I do however feel like if I could I would find I new gyno. fast. Plus to add to the stress my hubby decided recently he no longer wants to be a paramedic but wants to be a semi truck driver for a while. A special kind I guess they make good money right now.

Ugh Im just focusing on going to work. I love work. Im a substitute preschool- 2nd grade teacher and my college class as soon as I drop that horrible teachers one. Then I started taekwondo. Which I love. Im only a white belt but I love the meditation that we do and I love learning self defense and last week I was so proud that broke a board. It just made everything better. Really if I could go to Lowes and buy a ton of wood I would just practice that. It was an adrenaline rush for me. LOL.

But back on topic. The week before my period or a few days before no matter what in my life it never fails I might have a panic attack and lock myself in the bathroom for a good cry. I get just suddenly depressed and very down. No specific reason. Though recently I do have some good reasons. And I do see a therapist it took 5 years to be diagnosed with endometriosis and my husband wasn't always in my corner. For a long time he actually thought I was making it up and I was just drug seeking. I was in a very bad place until 2009 in phoenix I had a surgery done at ST. Josephs and they found pelvic congestion syndrome and endo but not enough for a complete diagnosis. Then last year I was getting so many cysts and kept going to the ER for pain my husband had enough he set up another visit with a gyno in EL paso and we did a surgery and they found a ton of endo and adhesions. I wanted a hysterectomy because IM tired of feeling like this but my husband said not to jump into anything.

My new gyno agrees with that she says hysterectomy only works for 20% of women. She really pushed Lupron. and I went pfft not happening. But no I get really down in myself. I feel worthless and fat and the pain is horrible. I don't have anyone in my family or friends who understands this. My husband now tries but with his trucking this is going to get harder. I don't know who I will talk to. Or what will happen when I get really sick from endo and the pain is so great I cannot take myself to the hospital or the store. I just hate endo so much.

Many hugs

Meagan