Endometriosis Support Group
Endometriosis is a common medical condition where the tissue lining the uterus is found outside of the uterus, typically affecting other organs in the pelvis. The condition can lead to serious health problems, primarily pain and infertility. A major symptom of endometriosis is pain, mostly in the lower abdomen, lower back, and pelvic area.
The week before her second surgery, she told me the truth about her pain during sex. She had this...desperate look in her eyes as if she was afraid that I'd leave her now that she'd finally come out with it. The truth was that I was indeed angry. Angry that she'd kept it from me. She told me that it had only been since a few months back but at that point, I didn't know whether to believe her or whether she was saying it simply to make me feel better (as if that would even work).
After the surgery, nothing changed with her pain. The doctor brought up hysterectomy but although she knows that I'd be all for it if it meant stopping this dreadful disease, I want to stay as much away from being a part of that decision as possible.
She says sex doesn't hurt anymore but I don't know that I believe her. When we'd first got together, we were very active. Now, I think she does it only to make me happy. And I've come to receive it only to appease her. I've refused it many times only to end up having her so depressed like she'd failed. When we do, I search desperately for signs that she's hurting. I can tell sometimes...I think. But when I ask, she says it doesn't hurt and she says it so reassuringly that (whenever I think back to it) I feel guilty of accepting it as truth perhaps selfishly to comfort myself. I try to avoid it now...just to avoid this situation but it's hurting our relationship a lot.
I'd appreciate any feed backs from you folks who are going through this. All I've ever wanted was to make her happy. I'm afraid that I'm failing her at this.
After the surgery, nothing changed with her pain. The doctor brought up hysterectomy but although she knows that I'd be all for it if it meant stopping this dreadful disease, I want to stay as much away from being a part of that decision as possible.
She says sex doesn't hurt anymore but I don't know that I believe her. When we'd first got together, we were very active. Now, I think she does it only to make me happy. And I've come to receive it only to appease her. I've refused it many times only to end up having her so depressed like she'd failed. When we do, I search desperately for signs that she's hurting. I can tell sometimes...I think. But when I ask, she says it doesn't hurt and she says it so reassuringly that (whenever I think back to it) I feel guilty of accepting it as truth perhaps selfishly to comfort myself. I try to avoid it now...just to avoid this situation but it's hurting our relationship a lot.
I'd appreciate any feed backs from you folks who are going through this. All I've ever wanted was to make her happy. I'm afraid that I'm failing her at this.
But we try other things. Oral sex isn't painful for me, so there is always that option. Intimacy is a huge part of a healthy relationship but there are other ways to achieve intimacy without sex. I believe really being open with your feelings about this whole situation is extremely important, even if you feel like it may hurt her.
There are so many times my fianc hurt my feelings, but I'm glad he was open and honest with me. This disease is just as much a part of your life as it is for hers.
Some things that I do prior to sex so that I'm not in pain during is to take a pain pill or 800mgs of Motrin. Also, I've found much relief in massage therapy...I found a wonderful massage therapist that also has suffered from Endo and she helped align my hips and showed me some gentle exercises that help release and loosen me up so that sex is not nearly as painful.
One other thing you can do is to run her a nice warm bath after sex because that can relieve A LOT of discomfort...and/or plug in her heating pad for her afterwards. She needs to be honest with you though and let you know when it's causing her pain so that you can not only trust her, but also help her through this. Personally, for me anyways, the intimacy and joy of sex overrules the pain...MOST of the time.
It hurts more than words can describe to be rejected just because I have Endo. It makes me feel broken, useless, undesirable and less of a woman. Please don't ever make her feel that way. If anything, wanting it in excess and letting her deny you instead every once in a while, might lift her spirits and restore her dignity and confidence as a woman. Just a thought. ; )
These are simply my views/thoughts though and not necessarily how your partner feels or what she would respond to...only the two of you could know what will or won't work.
Hope this helps some. I know that you are in a difficult position and that in coming here soliciting advice, you must really care about her. She's lucky to have you. I hope that together you can find something that works.
~Jenny
I tell ya, it's still going to be difficult to find my comfort level but I don't know of any other way to start moving past this. Still, it's empowering to know that I'll have yet another way to love her regardless of this disease. Her having this made her a soldier in my eyes. She deserves at least this from me.
Again, thank you. I hope that one of these days when we finally find a way to manage her pain, I'll be able to share my stories with you.
I don't know you personally but I can honestly say that you ladies are one of the strongest women I've ever known. Thank you.
It is embarrassing to admit that sex has been so painful in the past it has put me in the hospital. It is still a very difficult journey but now it is very hard for my husband to believe me when we talk about it. And because he doesn't believe me I don't feel very inclined to talk about it any more.
I hope you two find ways in that part of your life to make it work for you, but I also really hope that you also keep a open line of communication.
I hope that you speak to him. Regardless of how long it's been since you talked about it, I really hope that you talk. Teri knows to remind me that I'm needed here. Because more often times than not, I don't feel like I'm good for anything.
I wish you well Grace. I hope that you and your husband find your way through this.