Hi NJendoSufferer, I'm 33 and I've been diagnosed with Endo for 5years and had it about 3years prior but it was undiagnosed at that time. Just like you I have two kids too and don't want anymore. Sex was painful for me too and I totally get the concentrating on concentrating, personally I would just zone out and bear through it; eventually I got too good at it, but sex just ultimately became absolutely undesirable. Similarly to you, all the gyno procedures and annuals do hurt me too; at one point a few years back I just wanted to die, I couldn't work, and I couldn't wash or bathe without assistance because the pain was so bad; and for me it wasn't just during my menstrual, its been throughout the course of the entire month, every month with maybe one week of relief from time to time; and for me too it was everyday that it got worse, which turned to every month and year after year its accelerated in pain. Right now I manage it with NASIDs and dietary modifications but that's only until I eventually build a tolerance to the drugs, so I don't take them every time I'm in pain, only when its too severe and I can't function and then I fluctuate between 500-600mg Ibuprophen and Naproxen periodically to manage it and limit developing a tolerance (a horrible way to live honestly, but its partly how I've survived it). At one point a few years ago, I had a tolerance to meds and nothing worked. I've been on birth control pills as well as Lupron in the past but the life capacity of Lupron is only 9months as per my gyno and I did 3months, but the side effects of being pre-menopausal was no picnic either (being menopausal made sex even less enjoyable, because there was a different type of pain, dry mouth and hot flashes). Major surgery was just not an option for me and my gyno didn't recommend it either; so I chose pain management. You are not alone and have no reason to feel guilty; I think the best strategy is open an honest communication with your partner; let him know how bad the pain really is and describe it as detailed as possible. I think any man who truly cares for their partner and knows that they are in that much pain physically and sexually should have a heart of compassion (even if they can't truly understand), and want to help and not hurt their partner.

I understand what you're going through, and hope my advice helps.

Hi, there. You're not alone, my dear! I am 21, never had any kids, not sure I can, but I understand the burning shredding pain of literally anything going in. I can't even stand to use tampons anymore. Before I was diagnosed, I'd been finding I had frequent BV and yeast infections and went to the doc to do something about it... Until they stopped finding I had them. Shortly following, I started hurting and bleeding after EVERY time I had sex, but again, no infections. I've kind of always dealt with horrid periods and hormones, so I had more tests done, of course, first the routine, "let's make sure you're not pregnant," because it makes sense; more checking for STD's which I obviously knew weren't a thing either, and then they did a vaginal ultrasound and oh my Christ did THAT hurt, and when they couldn't find anything they kinda just gave up. So I found a new doctor, had her refer me to a gyno, and this said gyno has been a godsend. Someone had told me about endo, so I did research, talked with my new gyno about it, and she agreed it's most likely my problem. She allowed and recommended for me to opt out of surgery until absolutely necessary and then had me start continuously using the Nuvaring. In some ways, it's helped, but it does have its downfalls. It also took a lot longer for the positive things to take effect than the negative things.
Sex is still painful, but sometimes different positions make it easier if you haven't tried that. As for the concentrating on concentrating, another thing I found myself doing, it's honestly just one of those things you have to find a way to get past. You have to figure out how to stop focusing on that and relax. For me, I just focus on my partner and everything I love about him. I'm fortunate enough to have someone who understands what I'm going through, listens to me, and doesn't force anything. I don't know your exact situation with your partner, but they really should consider your situation and needs, and they should NEVER make you feel guilty. You didn't ask for this, and it is NOT your fault. If they don't understand, try to help them. If they STILL don't get it, they shouldn't be allowed to 'get some.'

You definitely aren't the only one dealing with that. I'm also 35, a newlywed, and was diagnosed with endo this past year. The pain during sex that comes with endo SUCKS. No doubt about it. But I would encourage you to be open and honest with your partner about what you are feeling. I doubt they want you to be in pain. My husband was horrified to find out that I had just been going through the motions and that he had been hurting me the whole time. Now we work together to find alternate positions and techniques that work for us both.