I need some help and support ... and guidance.  Something!!  I sure hope you can help me. 

My son and his girlfriend are both 26-years old.  My son graduated from college last year and has lived with me his entire life.  Upon graduation and getting a good paying job, he naturally became eager to fly away from the nest.  He has a girlfriend of the same age, so he began looking for a place to rent for the two of them.  I tried to talk him into staying with me until he gets married, since he is planning to pop the question shortly (they already bought the ring).  In the midst of looking at houses and condos to rent, his girlfriend was trying to talk him into moving into her house so they can save money - which means moving into her mother's house, where she lives with her single mother and her 30-year-old brother.  My son claims he didn't want to do that, but he does think it's a good money-saving opportunity, and since he hates confrontation and he doesn't want to argue with his girlfriend about it, he agreed to move in "temporarily." 

By her own admission, my son's girlfriend is a total "momma's girl" and she has said to me that she would be happy if she always lived with her mother, and when my son and her get married, it would be perfect if her mother could live with them.  Maybe she was preparing me for what's to come, I don't know, but in the meantime, her mother AND her grandmother both said to me at separate times that "when you have a daughter, you have a daughter for life, and when you have a son, you have a son until he takes a wife."  They both have literally said to me that as the parent of "the boy" I should only expect to see them on holidays and special occasions.  That family has basically opened their door, pulled my son inside, and closed it again.  No one else is welcome, including me.  My heart is absolutely crushed.  Now my son lives in a home that is not HIS home, it's his girlfriend's mother's home, and I feel awkward going over there, because when I'm there I feel like her mother hovers over me because she feels like she's the hostess of that house, so it's her responsibility to keep me entertained.  I don't feel comfortable or welcome.  I feel like my presence causes an unsettling of their normal household routine.  It doesn't feel like I'm a comfortable part of the "family," but instead, I feel like I am "company" who will leave soon and they can all get comfortable again when I go.  So, I stay away from there unless I am invited for one of those rare special occasions that all the extended family is invited to. 

I have tried to make plans for us to go out and do fun things outside the house together, things that ALL of us can participate in (i.e., me, my son, his gf, her mother, her brother, her grandma, etc.), but they are always shot down by my son's girlfriend always saying she doesn't have time - she has too much homework, she has to do laundry, she has to go shopping for the upcoming week, once she even said she had to wash her hair!  My side of the family lives in Utah, so I can't gravitate towards them.  It's just me and my son here in California, so I just have to suck it up and live my life without family.  It'll always be this way because it ALWAYS HAS been this way.  When they first started dating 7 years ago, my son had met her mother and brother -- as well as her grandma, her dad and her aunt, who all live in other homes -- long before I had even met HER!!  Back then when I said to my son, "How come you've met her extended family already when I haven't even met HER yet?"  His response was that she feels it's too soon.  That should give you an idea of how important HER family is to her and how insignificant OUR family is.  Believe me, I have told my son that he needs to man up and put his foot down in defense of his family, and not allow her to push this unfair, selfish and hurtful way of thinking onto our family. His response is that everything will change once he has his own place. YEAH, RIGHT.  

Thanks for reading this far.  I'm sorry this was long.  I am beyond crushed.  I cry almost every day, as I basically mourn the loss of our family unit.  I'll always live in the back seat as long as these two are together, but I know I HAVE TO always be nice, polite, respecful, and keep my hurt feelings well hidden from her because once they have children, she will have all the power to keep my grandbabies away from me too if she wants to. 

Wanna hear something funny?  She is weeks away from obtaining her masters degree from USC in psychology, yet she has zero compassion for the pain and isolation she is causing me, which she is fully aware of.  You would think her training in that department would have a different effect on her level of compassion, wouldn't you?

So please, tell me what I can do!  How can I stop this agonizing pain that squeezes my heart every day???