Jessica,

You have spent much of your life devoted to giving to your children. Though that is undervalued in our society, I think it is one of the most important jobs out there. You're helping to shape and giving birth to individuals who will, in their turn, have an impact in other people's lives. It's an amazing process really. I say all that so that you can begin to see what you have contributed.

It's completely natural, now that the job is not so demanding or intense, to feel feelings of loss. But, if I may offer this--perhaps your feelings go beyond that feeling of loss. Perhaps you devoted yourself so completely that you, in a sense, gave your Self away. Now you have this empty feeling. And though it may be uncomfortable for a while and though you may need to grieve a bit for the natural loss, this may be the time to re-find yourself, to become as devoted to loving yourself as you were to loving them. And in so doing, you can begin a process of discovery that is not painful, but joyful instead.

When you ask yourself who you are at this moment, you might respond--mom, caretaker, etc. But these are just the roles. The qualities about you that it took to do those roles--what are they? Loving, caring, warm, devoted, persistent, playful? You're still those things. Turning those qualities toward self, discovering who YOU are again can be amazing and then you'll likely meet other people and come into relationships.

Peace to you in your heart,

Grace

Hi Jessica,

I totally agree with Grace. I felt the same way about a year and a half ago. If felt like my purpose in life was over. Slowly but surely I am feeling hope for the future. I did get some help from RTF ministry (www.rtfi.org) to help me deal with the hurts that I had stuffed down for so many years so I could be strong for my children. I hadn't realized that I had closed down my heart because of past hurts, until my heart began to open again. God loves you so much and He created you so that He could have relationship with you.
Listening to praise and worship music, and praising God in my home really helps me to feel the presence of God.
Blessings,
Debra

Ladys, You both have touched my heart with hope and kindness and wisdom. Thank you so much for your encouragement and experience! God bless you both!

First of all, a big thank you for raising a son who is willing to serve our country. His sacrifice is appreciated and you must be very proud. I know what its like to have loved ones live far away but at least mine do not face danger every day. The fact that you've done this, raised a son like this is a big accomplishment. butits only natural to feel these feelings of loss and desertion because our children define who we are for such a large part of our lives. I am only beginning to understand who I am outside of being a mother so I can tell you that you will have good days and bad days as you go through the grieving process.

You say you have church friends. Have you talked to them about your feelings? Asked them to pray for you? Prayer is a powerful thing and the more people who pray for you the better. Maybe you could get together with your church friends and start a book club or Bible study, something just for you that you would enjoy. Grieving for lost childhoods can paralyze you and you need to let your friends help.

You say you've been widowed for several years. Have you thought of maybe meeting someone new? Is there a singles group at your church? Have you considered online dating? Just because your chldren are grown doesn't mean you are used up and deserve to live a lonely life. Many people find partners later in life and end up in happy marriages. I'm not saying that getting back in the dating scene is a cure for your empty nest but it can make you feel good about yourself again and you might meet some very interesting people. If there is one thing empty nest syndrome has taught me is that my children may be gone but my life isn't over. Take a look around your community and see what's out there you might be interested in. You might be pleasantly surprised!

Jessica,

You are most welcome! May you too be blessed. : )

Grace

Grace, Theres not too much left to say, considering all the wonderful words and advice everyone has already given. Im not sure where you live but you might look to see if there are any meetup groups in your area. There are many different meetup groups for going to dinner, movies, etc. There's even some for a certain age group. Its a great way to meet new friends, or just get out of the house with other people.

Thank you BMason. : )

Grace

I knew my life was empty before my nest was empty. I made myself content with my nest. And I can see how easily some mothers might hold onto their children too long, how some adult children are still living at home in their 30s. That's not us. We empty nesters were strong enough to let go. If we can do that, we can overcome this. I have no proof. Only faith. I'm so thankful for this forum. Reading everyone's posts is helping me find these nuggets of wisdom inside myself. I spent my life empowering my children. I can certainly figure out how empower myself eventually.