Empty Nests Support Group

Empty nest syndrome is a general feeling of depression and loneliness that parents/other guardian relatives feel when one or more of their children leave home. Empty nest syndrome has become more prevalent in modern times, as the extended family is becoming less common than in past generations, and the elderly are left living by themselves.

1,169 Members

831 Posts

1 Online

blc09 11/19/2016

Hi, I am new to the group, but not new to this topic. My 3 kids have been adults for years. My youngest is almost 30. I have 2 grand daughters who are 1 1/2 years old. two weeks apart from my two daughters. I love them soo much. but here is what i have been going through... even though my kids have been out of the nest for a long time, I am still going through the saddness and depression of missing having them running through the house everyday, yelling, fighting, being around, giving me hugs everyday, etc. last two nights I was able to have my grand daughter over night, and today I had to take her home, and I cried before I could leave their house. I know Sad, but I am so emotional about it. I loved having her here with me. I have been married for a couple years, it is a remarried to the same person. I am such a kid at heart and just loved playing with her, but it seems that my husband just doesn't get into at all like I do. ( my kids don't belong to him) He has no kids of his own. I keep telling myself, maybe that is why. So when the kids leave, I feel so alone. as I am still going through the empty nesting, It all just makes it worse. I have been so down today ever since she went home. but while she was here, I was totally different.. laughing , hugging,loving, just didn't want to send her home. I loved it!

So how do we move on without our kids with us everyday? I'm not someone who just goes out and does things easy. not shy, but kinda. My husband and I have retired for a year now, and I think we have to much time on our hands. that isn't helping , so when I am going to the store, he is always there.

I wish so bad that my kids were still little or they at least lived in the same town with me, and would come and see me everyday. I don't want to be one of those moms that don't let their kids have a life. I want my kids to enjoy their families and enjoy their life and go through their own ups and down, but how do I stop feeling this way?

I have lots of hobbies I can do, but I miss so much the kids in and out. would love to hear how others deal with all this. by the way, I am 56 years old.

Thanks for listening. :)

MiMi4 11/19/2016

Hi, there are a lot of similarities in our situations. I don't have the answer, because I've been struggling, too, but through therapy I'm learning to stay busier and to work on myself. It is not easy at all. I have a daughter and a son and two grandchildren, and one weekend after keeping my granddaughter, when I took her home to her mother I cried like a baby, so don't feel that those emotions are not normal. We bond with them and play with them and they are such a joy that when we have to let them go back home it does sting. I hope somehow you will find joy in small things in everyday life. I am trying to do that also. My husband also has no children of his own and he doesn't understand my deep feelings, but he does think of my children and grandchildren as his own and is kind to them, thank goodness. I hope things improve for you.

edana 11/23/2016

Hi I'm sorry you are hurting so bad and feeling so sad. This isn't a situation I'm familiar with as my son is only in his early 20's, and so far my grandkids are the furry kind which meow! I have relocated though, to be nearer to him, so i can see him more often. Since you and your husband are both retired now, is there a possibility you could do this? I found moving house really shook me out of my depression as there was so much to do and I was so busy - and of course a new beginning was much needed - it really helped me to move on and start a new phase of my life.

If relocating isn't possible, I guess dogs are the nearest child-substitute for most people in our situation. It's not a route I want to go down as I don't want the mess or the chores and responsibility - but it comes a close second to having children around since dogs are affectionate, responsive and playful too. Sorry I can't wave a magic wand and make you feel better - it is really hard moving onto the next phase of our lives, which seems to be downhill all the way and not much to look forward to! I think this is the hardest phase for all human beings, and we all have to just plod on, take it a day at a time, find happiness where we can.

But if it's possible for you, I would definitely recommend relocating to be nearer your family. You have so much to give to children, you may be able to find some kind of volunteer work with children who sorely need someone like you around! See if there is a volunteer coordinator in your locality, and if there are any charitable concerns which work with children, who might appreciate your experience and time. I'm doing volunteer work a couple of days a week, although not with children, I see so many people in dire need it makes me thankful for what I have, even if I want so much more.

Join the Conversation