Empty Nests Support Group
Empty nest syndrome is a general feeling of depression and loneliness that parents/other guardian relatives feel when one or more of their children leave home. Empty nest syndrome has become more prevalent in modern times, as the extended family is becoming less common than in past generations, and the elderly are left living by themselves.
Sufferers of empty nest syndrome, according to Susan Whitbourne's blog on Huffpost, "feel that they've outlived their usefulness and sense of purpose." That certainly describes my feelings, and perhaps many others here. I am new to this group and would like a friend to release my hurt to, and will listen to any of you who respond, with compassion, understanding, and non-judgemental confidentiallity. My daughter moved out 4 years ago, and our son a few months later, and we rarely see them, mostly on three or four holidays, a few hours at a time at most. I feel as if I am not needed. My husband and I can't seem to get along for very long, before we are in yet another argument over stupid little things. I work in a child care center, which can be challenging and stressful. Two years ago, our cat died, but maybe we can adopt another, because I do believe pets are good therapy. A hobby has been suggested by a couple of people, and mine is that I enjoy making Christmas goody bags and filling them with inexpensive items, personal to each person that I will see at Christmas time. I have already made my daughter and her husband's, my son's, and even his girlfriend's for this year! I have faith that God will restore our emotional health, and the health of our relationships, with prayer, faith, reaching out to make the first move in love and forgiveness, and patience to endure, as we "run with perserverance the race marked out for us." (Hebrews 12:1) I pray for all of us in this journey.
But I think our children will always need us emotionally - they need our unconditional love and approval, and I hope my son will benefit from having what I never had from my own, distant and disapproving parents, as it gives someone security and confidence to know we think they're just fine as they are. So yes we do have to accept our role as 'powerful and important parent who deserves respect' is over - we're just not that important to them any more, and we're certainly not powerful any more! That's quite hard to adjust to I think - it's tempting to cling onto it by sulking and making our hurt feelings obvious, but that will just make our kids feel bad, and even less inclined to give us their valuable time. We need to be very tolerant and forgiving, just let it go. But I don't think we need to let the love go!
I found facebook messaging my son daily to tell him I love him really helped keep our relationship alive in a new way - I wasn't being the all-knowing powerful parent, just a non-demanding friend, so it didn't annoy him - in fact he said he missed my facebook messages when I was offline the past 2 months! Being a reliable daily fixture he could count on, didn't interfere with his independence, but did remind him I existed - our children's lives are so full and busy, it's easy for them to forget we exist, and no relationship thrives on neglect. Relationships are like houseplants - they need to be nurtured carefully or they wither and die, so if you want a better relationship with your children, or indeed your husband, you need to give it time and attention; don't be afraid to make some changes if things aren't working as they are. Best wishes xx
the parent days are over, even if i did not get a response I felt better just by sending it. I intend to
keep in contact. Thanks edena