Hey Deanna, Im new to this site as well. I really resonated with your share. I too am a single Mom pretty much from the beginning. I too spent 21 years raising up this magnificent individual which is my daughter. I too have had awesome adventures with her; Anime Expo, Mexico, we drove up the West Coast together. I also feel that she is the person that is closed to me and knows me the best. We pretty much share everything with each other. When she left for college the first time, she was 17?! I was a hot mess. Even though her school was only 2 hours away. Every time I drove up and saw her, I spend the drive home crying. Honestly it got better gradually but it took a while, like a year. Now she's off to a PHd program.. This one on the other side of the country. Im involved in another kind of mourning process. I have kept myself busy, very busy as a deterent for going into the void that is my heart right now. I feel deep physical pain in my heart as if the tissue itself were tearing open . And now the loss of identity is really hitting me. I try to do things with friends, try to engage in activities, but sometimes I don't make it out the door, and other times being with my friends feels empty. The deep love between mother and daughter is sorely understated and not aknowledged. i feel deeply seen and heard and loved by her in a way that no other person does. and for the most part it feels effortless. that is what im mourning now, not the loss, cause i think our connection will always be there but the in person easy interaction we have

Missjack & Deanna... I'm new here, too. I hate that everyone here hurts... I'm also grateful to find people who feel just like I do. You sound like amazing mom's. I've felt like someone died the past three days. I woke up this morning feeling for whatever reason a bit better and I'm going to start a "to do" list. 1. Get carpet cleaned. 2. Return library books 3. Schedule coffee with a friend 4. Find a good Netflix series. 5. Maybe look into some sort of volunteer opportunity... I like kids and dogs. That sort of thing. I'm going to consciously avoid for the moment the things we did together that I miss the most (though eventually part of healing, I guess, involves embracing that stuff, too), though I did do a massive cleaning of messy boys' rooms straight away and, oddly, that helped. But, I'm going to pad my time with things to do, none of which I really look forward to, but if I'm busier than usual and engaging with other human beings, it's going to be a helpful distraction. I'm also going to be forgiving of myself for crying and feeling like I'm stranded on an uninhabited island... because most everyone says these feelings are totally normal... they may come and go, but eventually they will more or less go. I'm also going to spend some time here on this forum... because it really helps to know that we aren't alone in feeling what we're feeling. Big hugs to you both.

I am not a single mom, but I am grieving. My son was my favorite person and we did a lot of great things together. I feel like I have an empty hole in my heart today (dropped him off yesterday). Stay busy. I am getting my nails done and my hair done and then getting back to trying to stay really busy. Find things that you enjoy doing and make some friends outside of your daughter.

I totally relate to everyone's deep pain. There is nothing to prepare you for the loss of your kids growing up and leaving. My youngest is now a senior in high school and I'm dreading him going to college.

I also completely relate to what all of you are posting. My heart goes out to Missjack, garenkee, Oceans57, meganh822, and rlh because I am in the same boat. My youngest (3rd child is still at home and I feel there is no way to prepare for the loss that happens when he leaves; in the meantime, I have said goodbye to my oldest (daughter--who went to school within driving distance for undergrad years, but left for grad school across the country a few weeks ago) and to my 2nd-born (a son--he left to go very far away a year ago and his school requires summers there): I am so happy for them and don't want to burden them -- nor my youngest or my spouse, who doesn't share this sadness (very consumed with work). But I feel so incredibly sad at home with the house emptier and am struggling to try to make things normal and stable and happy for my youngest, who also misses his siblings terribly. I have read alot of articles about empty nesters finding new interests, second careers, and focusing on friends, but the truth of the matter is that my kids were/are my world. I am struggling because it is harder to make friends at this stage of life. I work part time and need something more, but I feel paralyzed. I also do not feel I can throw myself into a very demanding second career with a 3rd one at home and the older ones having their breaks to come home, parents weekends, etc. No idea how to meet or connect (don't have the energy to try to establish true friendships b/c that takes years) with others at this stage of life. When my children were younger, social life revolved around PTA, their activities, parents of their friends.....all that has gone away. I keep in touch with close friends who live far away. If anyone has advice, I welcome it. Thanks for reading.

I am with you and totally understand how you feel. I stayed home for twelve years to be with her and worked so hard to support her college education. She is my whole life but she is now three hours away and only come home every two months. She calls me twice a week but doesn't like to be called while she is working or with her friends, She said I need to go out and find my own friends in my age. I am so sad that she doesn't like me too much involved in her life.

Sorry I am talking about my daughter who left me a year ago for her career.

All these comments really helped me stop the pain.
The first few days were really hard as you drop you child off alone in a room with no friends and have to drive a long way back home it feels so wrong even if they were excited to make a start on their room and meet people without you there.
At first my son was refusing to let me phone him too. Now my son has really helped by letting me know what he needs .
He wanted me only to text him - usually when he is alone in his room or walking somewhere he will start texting me. I also say goodnight to him and he responds - at home I only ever got one word texts from him and we always talked so this is new for me especially as I'm not a texter. But I'm willing to give it a try - he just has to put up with my stupid typos ha ha.
He's so settled now and has so many friends and clubs that he doesn't think he'll have time to let us visit him at week 6 like we arranged. And I'll leave him make that decision (as long as he comes home for Christmas I won't be upset I'll be happy that he is busy and happy;)
So the pain for now is gone (mostly as I know he is ok and happy and is in touch) it may come back if he cuts off or if he goes back after the holidays but I know what to do this time.
I also read loads - what I did to stop the pain -
I did not clean his room until the pain had stopped and I knew he was ok - I did not go through baby photos - I kept busy.
Seeing him make friends, join clubs etc made me feel like I wanted to do things too.
So I have given myself until Christmas when he comes home to complete my to-do list and show him that I am a good role model for motivation if nothing else.
I plan to paint his room walls a few weeks before he comes home so it won't smell of paint. And I have jobs I would like to complete.
Your kids at the very least owe it to you to tell you when they will visit you next - I'm sure most of you will be picking them up from uni for holidays - so write that date on the calendar and write a list of things you want to do by then that you can show them so they also do not feel pain worrying about us - so they know you are ok.
The funniest thing on me and my daughter's list is to get flexible before Christmas as my son is learning backflips in a trampoline club and wants to teach us some jumps at Christmas - so we need to be able to almost do the splits at least to keep up with him ha ha.
Also - I sent a box of things at week 2 to him because he gave me his address (which I took as secret code for he wants some mail).
he liked the blanket, pants and chocolate the most ha ha.
But this might be a way to annoy your kids without them stopping you - and make them smile too ;)
I have a friend who visits her daughter every weekend and she is very homesick - I can't help feeling it doesn't help not giving them the space they need to be independant.
And if all else fails you can get a bloke - or a cat or dog - they never leave and will always be like kids ha ha.

My heart is breaking as i am reading all of your posts. I am new here, too. I have been a single parent since my daughter was 2 months old and my husband moved out. I, like so many of you, have such a special bond with my daughter, we did everything together. We only had each other and that created the deepest, most loving relationship between us. And as she got older, we truly became best friends. And after reading a few articles about single mom empty nesters today, I have to say that I'm a bit fed up with the articles that insinuate that mothers and daughters can be "too" close, that they shouldn't be best friends and that not keeping the "mother-daughter boundaries" can harm you daughter later in her life. I think that's a bunch of bull, likely written by either men or women without daughters. My daughter and I always kid that we are each other's person - you would have to have watched Grey's Anatomy to get it but basically it means that no matter what, when, where or why, I'll always be there for her in a way like no one else can be and vice versa. My daughter got married this past Saturday and will be moving out once they get back from their honeymoon. And even though my heart is breaking from missing her and sometimes it feels like I can only handle the grief minute by minute or it would be too overwhelming to bear - I am trying to focus on the exciting new life she is about to begin. But I miss everything about her, her laughter, her jokes, her way of knowing me like no one else does, her smile that lights up a room - and everything seems to get so much worse at night. I sleep 2-3 hours then get up and can't go back to sleep. I can't concentrate, I don't even feel like leaving the house and I don't see that this is going to ever get better - I'm going to be alone and missing her for the rest of my life. But I would do it all over again in a New York second. This gut-wrenching emptiness, this inexpressible sadness and quite frankly this hopelessness that feels like it will never go away was worth it all , to have had the privilege of raising my daughter and not only being her mom, but also to have proudly also been her playmate, her protector, her provider, her best friend, her person - for that experience brought me more joy and happiness than I have ever known in my life. God truly blessed me by allowing me to participate in the creation of my then baby girl.

I totally feel you on this. It's so hard to do anything without being overcome with sadness and loneliness. I raised my son alone, and now at 18 he's a man. But he's always been my baby boy, and it's heartbreaking. Amazing and Exciting and heartbreaking. It helps when he texts me, and I tell him I miss him. And he says Me too mom...