Empty Nests Support Group

Empty nest syndrome is a general feeling of depression and loneliness that parents/other guardian relatives feel when one or more of their children leave home. Empty nest syndrome has become more prevalent in modern times, as the extended family is becoming less common than in past generations, and the elderly are left living by themselves.

1,169 Members
831 Posts
0 Online
Personal Challenges
/ Empty Nests Support Group

Life Moves Fast!

TC1
TC1

My first post. Hello Empty Nesters.  I've been in search of a group to seek comfort and inspiration. 


I am a divorced mother of three: 24 yr old son, 21 year old daughter, and a 17 year old daughter.  My son is going to college and lives with his girlfriend.  Love her. My middle girl goes to college, and my senior will be heading to college next year.  I find myself wondering what to do sometimes. Motherhood is changing.  My children no longer need me as they once did.  I thought I'd have a husband to turn to and spend my time.  That's not an option right now.  


I am lucky to have a large family and still work as a teacher. Life is busy during the day.  I must find myself again, learn who I am again  


However, I worry about my children now that they have left and are leaving my home.  I want them to be independent, kind, and responsible.  I cannot control them nor do I want to, but it's an adjustment after spending so much time raising them. 


Advice or suggestions?  Thank you!

urbangardener
urbangardener
Welcome, TC1. We parents do come to a time when our children are now adults. This is a transition time that all parent's reach. Some worry and fret and feel awful and other roll through this time with vigor. Much of it probably depends on our attitudes and life experiences. So I admire you for thinking ahead about this kind of thing. How will you create a positive and happy transition for yourself is a good thing to start thinking about ahead of time. Our focus was once on the kids but now is our opportunity to get back to the time our focus was totally on ourselves. Some might think this is selfish of the parent, but it really isn't. It is our time now to create the "late life" period of our lives that we want to have. I would encourage you to seek new love interest if that is what a goal might be. Was watching a TV show yesterday and would say stay away from things like Facebook matchmaking. They were showing how so many scammers from foreign countries are using it and faking being people we think they are but are not. But many people use well known services that are advertised on TV, and radio, and in magazines. If you want to do an online dating thing, do an internet search to learn about scams. Or you might find someone in the various social or hobby groups you join (more about that later) or you could ask your friends to introduce you to quality potential partners. If you are interested that is.

I totally agree that it is about finding ourselves again. So what things might you like to do, what might be on a goal list or an I want to list or something of that nature? Maybe take a journal or spiral notebook and begin to plan what floats your boat. Things won't happen if we stay in our house waiting around and not doing. What goals did you have before kids? How about travel, there are LOTS of singles traveling groups and before the pandemic, I traveled a lot and saw lots of single people traveling, lots of couples too, and a few families. The pandemic kind of limits us in social activities but there are online things and there are a few classes or groups meeting in person. If you are interested in church type activities, your place of worship likely has a lot of classes and interesting things. There is Meet Up groups, too (google for your area). I am doing bookclubs now, I have two online and one in-person when we can. I like to read but it feels better to also have some kind of human connection. My public library also has various classes and bookclubs, some online and some in person. I am mentioning things that might ease you into starting to have hobbies and interests outside your kids. Online can ease us into things because its safe and we don't have to walk into a room of strangers, etc. And we can try out things and see if this is something we want to do. You could try starting a social group among women you know who are in the same boat as yourself. I know of a woman who wrote on the Next Door app about being lonely, she was elderly, and her post ended up creating a social group for older women that was hugely active before covid and now just small but active. Just be careful on any social media platform that you are aware of scammers.

I know a guy who was lonely and started being an usher at his church and found a whole new social group that is very close. And I know someone who went back for their master's degree over the age of 50 and found a new outlet for their intelligence and a way to have other things going on besides their kids. I know people who have changed jobs when their kids moved out of the house and found wonderful new careers that made them happy.


So if we are busy, if we are happy about our lives, we parents tend to NOT interfere or try to control our adult kids' lives as you mentioned not wanting to do. Because we don't have time!

You can also use this website and join other topics and start to respond to everyone and anyone. Just to say something nice, or if you have wisdom to share it. Kind of getting outside of ourselves and giving back to others.

Start somewhere, baby steps, find activities and just jump into something. Maybe yoga or exercise classes at the YWCA or a dance class. Whatever makes you excited about life.