I am here, too, hopefully they send a note to our email to let us know we have a message. I became an empty nester in april, and it was so different, I also have gastritis, which is hiatal hernia, and I joined that group, too, both really. I had to realize that one of my empty nest things was, I didn't know anyone in the same situation, three kids, single mom, me, that loves to be alone, but for the first time since twenty eight, I was alone, 24/7. I went through a myriad of emotions, and also enjoy my space, but would love to talk to others. peace mary

Thanks for the comment Wisernowthanbefore60.
I agree you think you are happy alone then when the kids leave you realise you weren't really alone until now.
My son did text me a lot last night for advice as he messed his meal up - he says he'd rather ring me when walking somewhere (I'm guessing he has thin walls).
I saw a 112 year old woman on tv yesterday saying the key to a long life is not worrying - that's literally what every parent does constantly ... ha ha.
I reckon if I don't get my stress sorted it will manifest into an illness so what she said makes sense .

Sorry that you have so much pain. I hope you find some good tips on both groups ;) Do your kids keep in touch a lot?

Hi, Violet, I am new , but I don't know how to tell if someone is on here, so I will answer your question, maybe we can help each other, and share for others as well. Since I was 29, I have not been totally alone, in my home, any where, there were always husbands, kids, both, or one kid, or one leaves, one comes back, now it is totally me. I think it is a combination of co dependence, and empty nest. Today, the pain was wild. I felt really stressed. you would think I would hav e lots of physical energy, but all I can think of is talking, and end up, not doing a lot of work. I was a hair dresser, when my kids were little, and it was a flop, so I worked long, long hours, starting out at this graduation, of a lifelong dream, at forty, thinking I had to put in hours to make a buck, hairdressers can make it, but I was getting up at five, would not allow myself a nap, ever, was getting worn own, fifteen hour days away, early up, late to bed, and didn't find out til I was totally exhausted, and chemically poisoned, that I literraly burned out, later at 60, I found out I had add, all my school years, and had really bad time and organizational skills, still do, as I write this, I have boxes of things my daughter, just dumps, and every time I do this, I get overwhelmed, I was going to sort the whole kitchen, and never learn to do it one category or drawer at a time. my youngest is getting married, soon, and ever since the hair time, and they kids were little I have been my worst enemy, when I did what I could, and almost died ,k taking high blood pressure medicine, still it was high, and living on adrenelan, and it just failed, and I guess it was not only chemical hair poisoning, it was a nervous breakdown. so I came home, and just could hardly move, have gotten counselling, get ok, then if tired, go back into the what if, should have, thing, write when you want, or like, mary

Thanks Mary. Thats an awful lot to have gone through. I know what you mean it's difficult to sort things I have so much to do to keep me busy that it's overwhelming and I end up curling up and sleeping instead.
Yesterday was better as I wrote a to-do list and only did the things that were high priority - even getting one little thing done is good as it gets you going once you start - but I limited what I'm doing on the list - I always tell the kids to be kind to themselves and look after themselves and be their own best friend - but look at how we treat ourselves - is that how we'd want them to be at our age? That one always makes me think twice before I do too much.
My daughter joined facebook yesterday ( a year early but with lots of privacy set up on it ) so now my son can message her for free. That worked. He let her know he was back safe from a party whereas he wouldn't have texted me in case I picked up he was slightly drunk ha ha. I doubt he'll keep it up once he has a lot of friends but at least I know he's safe and happy so I can relax a bit.
As a co-dependant it's easy to do things for others but harder to do things for ourselves - so I trick my mind into thinking it's for the kids - so I need to make the house look good for when he comes back at Christmas - I need to get into shape for when I visit him - I need to show I am a good role model etc..
Do you get panic attacks? I used to get them when I was younger and after I divorced so I am determined not to go back to that - it's flight or fight mode - but there's no danger - so we need to switch it off.
Deep breathing through the diaphragm and thinking about happy things works for me - so far anyway ;)

As a 2nd year empty nester I set up a rule that My son would HAVE to skype me on sundays no matter what! and it helped get me through the week. HOWEVER, i texted him in the evenings with a quick Hey, how was your day? hows it goin? hows the weather to get my fix in.
Panic attacks... DAILY but i talk myself out of it. I tell myself that even though he's 18 hours away (1100 miles) he's creating his own life.
It's exciting, amazing and heartbreaking.

My son now texts me most days when he is cooking or has done something interesting and often texts goodnight if I do on the days that we don't text.
I thought I'd mention what he said to me recently as it might help to see from their perspective .
He said he has some friends that get homesick ( their version of empty nest syndrome) and they cry a lot and some have gone home a few times these last 3 first months at Uni.
He told me that he doesn't feel homesick but he misses the car (yeah I took offence at that ha ha)
But what I noticed is quite interesting - the parents that didn't cope well and cried profusely are the ones whose kids are homesick the most.
The ones that didn't show their kids they were struggling are the ones that aren't homesick.
Although I didn't cope well at first I didn't show him as I was determined to not have him feel the way I did at Uni so I spoke to him a lot before he went so I think he knew what he might feel and how to deal with it and that he could come home if he wanted etc...I had also helped him become more independent before he left.
Secretly I know that he is in constant contact with me whenever he wants (no queuing for a public phone box down the road in the cold like I used to in order to speak to my mum) and even though I haven't heard his voice or seen him on webcam he is always texting and sending photos etc.. so that is the real reason I think he isn't homesick - because the phone is like having home in your pocket.
So what I have learned is that if your kids aren't in contact with you much - if they aren't contacting you and you are texting them - even if they are saying it's annoying it's probably helping them in some way - if you back off they will probably start worrying where you are.
So hold back a bit - give them their space - but be there when they need you - because they do - even the ones that miss the car more than you - carry you around on their phones and know that if they need their parents they can just call them.
They want to show you how independent they are and how they don't need you anymore to survive - not to be nasty but because they want you to be proud of them and because they want to be an adult like you.
If your kids aren't contacting you that's because you did a good job - but if they lose their phone they will probably go to pieces - because they can't contact you when they need to....
So although he says he isn't homesick - I know that without that phone he would be....and I carry mine around and call it by my son's name now ha ha - whatever works - we all cope in different ways with being apart but don't ever think they don't love or appreciate you just because they don't need you as much as they used to. (That reminds me I should call my dad - he moved to another country but webcam doesn't stop him from calling me . I told my dad to try texting his grandson instead of webcam as he is more likely to respond - and I got a message from my son a few days later 'mum - grandad has just found out how to text and is going crazy with the emoji's '.
And as annoying as that must be - that is also why my son isn't so homesick - although he'll never admit to it....;)
The other thing I found hard was that he didn't like most of the items in my care packages - so I sent him a coffee shop card instead - and he said it wasn't the nearest coffee shop... ....whatever (roll eyes).

.... think of it like ice skating - you are there to hold their hand if they start to fall - and if you aren't there they would panic - but if you try to hold their hand without them reaching for you first all you get is moaned at - and at the end of the day all they are trying to do is show you they can skate on their own and make you proud. And all you want to do is catch them before they fall.