I am completely devastated! I just joined this group because I was so distraught and had no one I could call. I lived for my kids, I worked a lot, and I kept putting friends on hold. Now I feel like I'm losing everything at once. 

I'm not the traditional empty nester. My kids are grown and have been out of the house for years. My youngest, soon to be 30, got married this year and moved 4.5 hours away, in April, for her husband’s job. My older daughter, 34, her husband, and my 2 young grandsons, 7 and 4, just listed their house for sale and are moving over 15 hours away. In this market they will probably be gone by Thanksgiving.

Only my stepson and his family are left, three kids, 8, 6 and 3, but we rarely see them. They are very involved with sports, and have his mom and stepdad, and my daughter in laws mom, and sisters family, nearby. We had hoped to have family brunches a few times a month when the grands were very young but we gave up on it when my dil refused to go along because my stepson wouldn't do things (at the time) with her family. She did everything with her mom and sister. We always waited for an invitation. That became a pattern. Rather than call them, my husband preferred we let them call us. They "were busy" he'd say.  And we wouldn't hear from them. My husband worked with his son for about four years and they got really close in that time. When my husband retired they got in the habit of regular phone calls while my stepson drove home from work; that became their time to catch up. Now it’s the occasional practice, or game, and birthday parties. 

But I had our daughters two boys to keep me busy. They spent at least two days a week at our house, almost every week - overnights and play dates, and outings with them and my daughters - and they became my everything. My husband was more detached. As he did as a father, he kept his distance, preferring to spend his time working, or locked in the bedroom watching tv, or cutting the grass, or working out...he's only become more involved in the last year or so.

My kids, and then my daughters kids, became my life, while my husband had his own life. He's been supportive but he’s a guy. He has friends he hasn’t talked to in years call him out of the blue to join a foursome for golf, or to grab a beer. It’s much harder for women to make friends, especially as we age. I’m getting too close to 60 and have worked from home the last 7+ years so I could have the opportunity to be there for my kids and grandsons. Now all I do is think about how much I’ll miss them, and wonder who will be there for them, they have a couple friends where they are moving, but no family. This is by far the most difficult thing I’ve ever had to deal with.

I suffer from ptsd from past trauma. Covid pushed me over the edge. I became the sole caretaker to my parents, both extremely needy, despite having two siblings. He ended up in the hospital, early on, with Covid and shouldn't have survived it. I didn't see the kids because of the risk of infection. My husband and I spent our first Thanksgiving alone. Then the kids went out of state to spend Christmas with the in-laws. We were alone again. 

When hospitals started doing elective surgeries again, she put him in a nursing home and underwent life changing surgery. Because of complications, her recovery took almost 6 months. By now, and with Covid still a threat, my kids visits were few and far between, with mostly short phone calls becoming the norm. And then she brought him home, days before Christmas. Another holiday with just me and my husband, but now, the burden of keeping our severed relationship from all the kids.

That didn't go as planned, and now they all know. And I have so many regrets. I literally gave up my kids and grandsons to get them through all of that, after what they put me through. I spent all my time with my mom, and lost out on so much with my kids and grandsons. And now they'll all be gone. And we'll really be alone this time.

I've been in fight or flight mode the last three years with my anxiety in high gear. Everything sets me off and I can't stop the tears. I know I need to move forward, I know it won't be easy, but this horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach, and my heart racing a mile a minute, and the sleepless nights...

I'm not embarrassed to admit I'm the needy one now. I need understanding, support, a sense of community and friendship. I'm hoping here to offer comfort to others feeling the same and hoping it brings me some peace.