Empty Nests Support Group

Empty nest syndrome is a general feeling of depression and loneliness that parents/other guardian relatives feel when one or more of their children leave home. Empty nest syndrome has become more prevalent in modern times, as the extended family is becoming less common than in past generations, and the elderly are left living by themselves.

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kejcanada 04/22/2018

Brand new to the group.

My last daughter leaves to move 2000 miles away for a new school and new career. She moved out of the house 4 months ago, which was pretty hard, last one to leave of 3 children, but I saw her many days a week. We also worked together in a business as partners. Me & her. Now she is leaving in 3 days and I have lost everything, my best friend, my baby, my partner.

I can't function, I can't even move, how am I supposed to get through this? I will never work with her again, I will never go to the movies with her again, I will need cook with her again, I will never joke with her again, we will never watch our favourite shows together and plan crazy endings. The things you do only when you see each other often, that you don't have time for twice a year. How can I go on?

My husband says she didn't die, but why does it feel like she did somehow, or that something died?

I read this about Empty Nesters and it fits how I feel exactly;

"Her life is starting for real. I have begun the long letting go. She has a wonderful future in which my part naturally diminishes. I have no possible future that is better without her close.

The very best thing about my life is a short stage in her story."

I think I am so happy for her, I want her to have everything in the world, I want her to be happy, healthy and blessed. I would die for her. But god this hurts, how can I do this? Why if this is what I wanted for her do I want to take it all back?

2girlsnIowa 04/25/2018

Makes me so sad just reading your post. You have alot of "I will never again..." but you will...focus on that. She will be back, she will visit, you can go visit her...life will go on. I hope that since it's been a few days since you posted that life is a little better. :(

kejcanada 04/26/2018

Thanks so much for your words. I have had the most horrible week and I am moving her today to her new province. I get to stay a week with her though, but I'm petrified of getting through it and not having her dread seeing "weepy" mom. Things are so exciting for her and that is hard. Worst thing that has ever happened to me and I have had some really rough things happen.

How did you manage and how long did it take?

LuckyStar365 04/27/2018

You really put into the perfect words how I feel about my son leaving home as well-all the little joys like watching a show together, cooking together, joking together. I think those little things are really the big things that make life wonderful and I worry about not being able to do them with my son anymore too. My hope for us is that we are just going through the rough part of the transition, but that we will be able to do all of those things with them again. And it will be even more meaningful. Hugs to you. <3

kejcanada 05/01/2018

I know everyone says it gets better but it seems so hard to believe right now. My own mother's advice helped! She said visit her every month at first if you have to. That way I can see that we will always be the same people and have the same memories together. She said then once it feels easier make the trips longer apart. Just thinking I can do that has made my heart hurt less.

I have already booked my first visit back! She is happy I am coming back and wants me to book more! Hard for both of us I guess. I do cry every day still but at least not ALL day! How long has your son been gone?

LuckyStar365 05/02/2018

Hi Kejcanada, sorry I missed your comment before. That's great advice from your Mother. Wonderful to hear that you have already booked your first flight back and are planning more. It sounds like a great way to make the transition smoother. My son's been away from home for a little over a month. He's in the hospital due to his illness and they're in the process of doing a conservatorship. I feel very fortunate that he's in town and I've been able to visit. I think because it was so sudden, I was having a hard time adjusting to him not being at home. We spent a lot of time together and I enjoyed every minute of his company. Then I was having some anxiety about where he would be placed once conserved and I got a lot of my questions answered today, so I'm feeling sooo much better, happy really. <3

mommachew 05/02/2018

Kejcanada, i’ve read your post and I know how you feel. I think it just takes time and everybody is different. I miss my son and it’s not so easy for me and I feel as though I am grieving. I think it’s good to accept how you are feeling and reach out here and release that fear and worry. There is going to be a lot of moms seeing their kids off to college after summer and we can all relate how that final goodbye feels like. It’s never easy. It’s just the love we have for our children never goes away even when they are away from home. I hope I can find the strength to get pass this feeling of loss and sadness. I know I can with the support from this website. I hope you can find happiness today. Take care.

kejcanada 05/03/2018

Thanks you LuckyStar365 and mommachew. It really helps knowing that others are going through the same thing, as I am sure you know! Everyone I talk to her, family and friends, tell me don't be silly just be happy, my mother didn't care, my sister doesn't have a problem, etc.etc. Makes me feel worse! Plus my husband is having NO problem!! So glad I am not actually the only mother who is having a hard time.
Hugs to all.

mommachew 05/03/2018

Kejcanada- oh my gosh, I know exactly how you feel! My husband is the same way. He just keeps telling me I should be excited for my son and we did our job. He is able to go on with his life and I’m so jealous that I can’t be like other people. I’m embarrassed to tell people how I really feel. I feel like a death has happen and I’m grieving. I’m grieving for the life I had as a mom. I never thought I could love a human as much as I love my son..besides my hubby. Having only one child is very hard because you wrap your life around that one child. I couldn’t have children naturally so I adopted my son and I’ve loved him before I even knew him. It’s like you can’t prepare for your child to leave home because you can’t predict how you will be when it happens. I knew I would be sad but not to this degree. Today, I went to Walmart and I felt like a lost soul. Passing the baby section, the toys section, summer pool toys and moms rushing through the store with a shopping cart filled for a family. And then there’s me, a empty cart, no kids and I felt like crying in the middle of the aisle looking for someone that could relate. I know there are many moms feeling the same way. However, my husband made a interesting comment to me. He said...I bet there was a mom watching you with our son having fun in the store and she was right where you are now. She was wishing the clocks could turn back. It’s the circle of life. At the moment, I realized I was grateful to have my time with my son and I loved being a mom.. I guess all we can do it talk about our feelings and not be ashamed how we feel. Because we only hurt because we loved a person more than life itself. That’s a beautiful thing that we will all cherish. There still is the holidays that we can bring the family together. And there is a family here....I hope we can smile a few times today and overtime we can laugh. As moms says... to the moon and back. Big hugs

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