After we dropped my son off I told him I wasn't going to call him everyday or email all the time, I didn't want to be suffocating, even though I very easily could. For the first week, he called me everyday, several times sometimes, they the second week, he called 3 or 4 times, now it will be a week or so before I hear from him. I was so down last week and then realized that it was probably because I hadn't heard from him. I, like you I'm sure, know that we've must have done a good parenting job to raise such an independant child. I'm proud of him, being out there on his own taking care of business. But, in my mind, I feel like I hope he dosen't forget me. The better (healthier) way to look at that is......he's so secure in his love for you and from you, he just knows with out a doubt you're always there when he needs you. So I found a way to stay connected to him. I started talking to him about recipes he might like to try. That has really taken off. Now that he's on his own, he might try cooking some of his favorite foods, so he called me for the recipe. Then he called me to find out what BROIL meant ( I almost wet my pants trying not to laugh when he asked that one), then he called me to tell me it was good, then he called me to ask me for another recipe. Its been a great form of communication. I won't send him the recipe cards because if I do that, then he might not call for them. After I give one recipe, I say "call and let me know how it turned out" so maybe days later, he'll call to tell me it was great and I'll ask if he'd like another.....and so it goes. One of these days, he'll cook so good on his own he won't need to call anymore, but for now its working and I'm thankful. I don't think it so horrible either if you've got to the point that you miss him so bad you just have to call him to hear his voice, just don't let him know how awful you feel and make up something like, "you saw one of his old teachers who wanted you to tell him hello" or something. Don't do it all the time, only when your at a critical "missing him" point. Hey, were mothers.....we do whats necessary for our children no matter how old they are. Have a good afternoon, Marge

Thanks for the reply, Marge. I have done the same thing with the recipes! You are right about raising independent kids...my son doesn't even get homesick really....which I'm glad. That way he can concentrate on his studies. He also has good friends that he feels really comfortable with. He goes to a large university where there is always something happening...he definitely is "busier" than I am. I know it's ridiculous to expect him to be thinking of his mom every day...but I'm sure thinking of him every day! Thanks again for the comforting words.

I try to think "no news, good news". In fact, I have had flurries of calls and texts when my son had car, school, health issues.I also try to remember being a teenager but as I was an orphan, I had no parents to call. I do suspect however, that at that age we are not on their minds 24/7 (even though they are on ours). I know my son will NEVER call me for a recipie, but he did call about which shirts have to be washed in cold water!

LOL... that's cute about the shirts and the wash...my son just washes everything together and hopes for the best! You're right hockeymom "no news is good news".He did finally email me today....a really long one, so I am feeling better about that! Isn't this a great place to share our feelings? If I spoke about these things at work my co-workers would think I was nuts!!

I got 2 calls, one for money, the other for laundry tips - haha.

I know he's busy so I have to just accept it; I do wish I set some sort of agreement up that I'd hear from him once every month or every other week or something. I didn't really discuss that and I wish I had. I kinda feel like a pest if I email him.

I can certainly empathize with what you are feeling and experiencing. My son has been the center of my life for 18 years and I am just not adjusting to being without him. I actually had to call out of work today because I was so overwhelmed with grief and crying.

Everything reminds me of him. It was raining today and I remember the last time it rained (last month) this heavily he encouraged me to run out into the rain like we use to do when he was young. He was a late in life baby and he has kept me young. He left three weeks ago for college and I think I've aged 50 years in three short weeks.

It's sweet and sad. You want to see them spread their wings and get out into the world. However, they were your world for so long that without them in it your world it is sudden so empty.

Miki

Aww, Miki that's awful to feel that badly.

One thing that might help everyone dealing with the sending off the college situation is to focus on the holiday season (if they are returning home for a visit). Time does fly and before you know it we will be at Thanksgiving.

Miki, your post made me so sad because there is a place in my mind where I am trying not to go these days. I feel exactly like you do (late life baby and all). I am also remembering times when I felt better and life was more simple and carefree.Just let yourself wallow for a while. It will eventually get better or more tolerable just because it has to.Life forces us to keep picking ourselves up and moving forward, however battered our bodies and spirits.We are with you though, so don't feel alone in your sorrow.

Thanks Spuds and Hockeymom. I truly appreciate your words as they are a comfort and it's a comfort to know others understand.

I just feel like I'm on a roller coaster and just when I think I can get through a day the coaster crashes back to earth and I'm in tears again. I am totally lost without him and if I'm not working then I'm lying in bed wishing I could fall asleep.

I know things will get better. I confided in two friends and I only found myself being frustrated with their advice. They think it just a matter of getting out of the house and finding things to do. They don't understand that I need to deal with my grief first because right now it is paralyzing me and going out is not an option. So, I truly appreciate all of you and your kind words as I no longer discuss my feelings with these folks as it only serves to frustrate me.

You guys are great!

Thanks,
Miki

I thought this was really good advice for those looking for something your college student will appreciate and will give you a boost as well. Our daughter was living proof this past week when she received some brownies my wife made for her. I found this on a college counselor's web site:

If you stand by the mailboxes and watch the facial expressions of those who get something, you get a clear idea of what it means to students, Fitzgerald says. If parents want to make their kids day, send the occasional card or packagea box of homemade cookies that they can share with their floor or just a note that lets them know youre thinking of them. Students may love technology, but they get very excited by U.S. mail.

Excellent advice. My son always loved to receive mail even when living at home. Thanks for the reminder.

Miki