I understand. But now is the time for us. We get to find hobbies, finally fins time to exercise, prepare healthy meals, read our bibles, catch up with friends, volunteer to help people. All the things we didn't have time for when our focus was raising kids. Eventually there will be grandkids. I do understand and it takes adjustments. Keep reaching out to others who understand. YOU are not alone!

yes it really is like a bereavement - but you don't get much sympathy from people around you, compared to when a loved one has died - they all tell you how great it is now you're free, when all you want is your 'ball and chain' back! Ball and chain or anchor - our kids anchor our lives all those years and give us an identity - I'm 'so and so's mom'. When they're grown our identity ceases to exist - it's not only a great loss akin to bereavement, but an identity crisis! Who are we now? It's so hard to get through, but mothers have got through it since time began - we can do it too. One day at a time, one hour at a time - just plod on and don't look ahead further than bedtime. Slowly you get used to it - this new phase in our lives. It's a winding down phase, rather than a positive, upbeat, productive phase, and it feels negative and static compared to the whirling activity of raising a family. It is absolutely right for us to feel grief-stricken, lost and confused over what comes next - how to we go on now, without a real sense of identity or purpose? For me, moving to a smaller, one bedroom flat was a positive move as it helped me make a fresh start to what should be a completely different phase of our lives. Then after the dust settled, I found volunteer work with a charity one session a week, which is now three sessions and I love it so much, because I know I'm doing something worthwhile. So - life eventually settles into a new pattern. I would say moving house and leaving the past behind, making a fresh start as a single person, is what's helped me move on most. I moved to be near my son, who's only 10 minutes walk from here, but that only means it hurts more when he's too busy to call on me! But I have accepted that I'm not important to him any more, quite simply - he has a new life now. So I need to make a new life for myself too, one step at a time. I'm sure that having Christmas looming large is like rubbing salt in the wound for all of us though - Christmas is a very tough time of year to get through, and I never enjoy it as I'm always alone - even when my son lived with me he spent Christmas day with his dad or friends. I just get through it - be nice to yourself and take care of yourself - essentially mother yourself! Then it's all over and January begins and everything goes back to normal, and I breathe a sigh of relief - I survived! I'm glad Christmas only comes once a year though - I refuse to watch all that Christmas TV though, it's too upsetting. But it will pass - summer will come again, and we will be OK too. Best wishes xxx

Thank you both for your responses.. edana - Yes I'm not looking forward to the holidays this year.. this will be the first year I'm completely alone.. Just need to get through the next month.. xoxoxo

These responses are a welcome read, for sure. And edana - I totally get the "ball and chain" bit. Kids sure do define you! My best friend and I recently commiserated about this, both coming up with the same basic question: "who am I now?"

Hi
I'm new to the group.
Just wanted to say that I'm going through a similar situation with my 2 boys moving on with there lives.
I'm a single mom who didn't make a new life for myself when my marriage ended 15 years ago. I'm dreading christmas this year. In tears when I think about it because I will be alone. So I feel your pain and will be thinking of you on Christmas day.

Hi Bailey. Merry Christmas to you - I'm in a big empty house, too. Husband and I had breakfast and then our son stopped by to say hello on his way to an errand. He moved out in March. I'm still not over it. Last night, Christmas Eve, was the one-year anniversary of when he came home from hanging out with friends and announced that he was going to be moving out in the new year. On Christmas Eve he tells me this. He's a musician. You'd think he'd know more about timing! I started crying that night, and have continued crying almost on a daily basis, since. I have moments of relief from it, but I can get choked up again just thinking about it. Christmas Eve will always have that "mark" on it.
It's odd, too, that when our daughter moved out, to go to college in another state, I cried also. All the way to the airport (and most of the flight home) after I'd gone there with her to help her move into her new dorm - and she stayed behind while I left. But her brother was still living at home, so it didn't hit me as hard as it did when he moved out, a few years later. Maybe it hit me harder because there were leftover feelings from his big sister leaving, that I hadn't allowed myself to get in touch with.
To EVERYBODY here, maybe you're physically alone, but this forum here ought to remind you that you're really not alone, emotionally. There are many others of us sharing and struggling with the same damn blues! That thought provides at least a little comfort for me.

well said lioness - big hugs to everyone here at this really difficult time - let's mother ourselves and be kind to ourselves now! Best wishes xxx

It is a blessing that I found this support group and have just benefited from all your words. My only child (daughter) moved out over 2 years ago and eventually got married. She lived with me for almost 28 years and with the moving our close relationships went too. Ladies, you've no idea how helpful, enlightening and comforting your words and advice are. I've always thought my situation is worse than others and wondered why there so much feeling of loss and insignificance. Yes, it is because i lost my identity that I was so proud of since that moment when I first held her in the delivery room. I am thankful to learn from you all. Let us all hope that we can all cope up somehow.