I am a newly empty nester.. My kids don't have kids of there own.. I don't know if I can be a lot of help but being a mom I can tell you what I would like. A call just to be asked how I am doing... asked to come over for dinner every other week or once a month.. you have a sister so maybe your mom could visit one then the other that way she is not always with you. maybe she can watch your kids while you go out shopping or with your husband.. you might want to try to get her to help out a your child school...or help her find a Seniors Center..
you and your sister should just take turns calling, texting of FaceBook.. She just wants to know you love her and you think about her. Hello and I love you goes a long way...

The previous is excellent advice. Reaching out and letting her know you love her is very important. I hope that I will never become a bigger burden on my daughter when she is in your situation. It is very unfortunate that your mother is still struggling. I am not sure what if anything she has tried. What kind of social life she has and what other social supports she has available.

In addition to what you have already posted.... Is there any chance that you and your sister can make a girls night with a movie and include your mother? Not sure your financial ability but if its possible doing something fun with both of you could help.

But please make sure you take care of yourself. If you have tried some of the previous suggestions and she continues to be needy and encroach too much on your time and leave you feeling exhausted. I would encourage you to spend some time talking to your mom, let her know how much you love her but that honestly that you are struggling to handle some of the demands of motherhood.

Hopefully, she will kick into care-taker mode and want to see what she can do to help you out which could restore purpose in her life. But if she is already helping you out or has indicated that she doesn't want to, let your mom know that you love her and worry about her and encourage her to talk to a pastor or her doctor to see if she has any hormone imbalances.

Lots of hugs to you!!!

Kick into care taker mode? That is the mode I have been in since I became a mother. Now that my girls are out of the house I am still in care taker mode and they don't need me. That is the problem. All my adult life being a mom is all I have ever known. Now that they are out of the house (my last one moved out 2 months ago) I am lost and lonely. My intention is not to burden them that is the last thing I want to do. My youngest daughter who just moved out hasn't been home in 44 days. She lives 5 miles away. She has changed so much in the past year. She was living here, quit her job, smokes a lot of pot, has her views of the world (one being why should I work and sell my time). She is working now but hates it. She takes Adderall for whatever reason, she has never been ADD or ADHD. She had confessed to me a couple of months ago that she was selling it. That did not sit well with me nor my husband. She is so different now, she lives in a marijuana fog most of the time. Says she is happy with current boyfriend who has no car, she drives him around in a new Jeep that we helped her get. Sorry I got off subject. I guess I just need to feel needed. This empty nest thing is depressing. Tomorrow is a new day, I plan on applying for another job, in addition to the part time job I have. I need to occupy my time. I am seeing a good therapist. He told me not to let them emotionally black mail me. Which they often do. My oldest daughter doesn't, It is just the younger 2. We lost our first born son to cancer at the age of 6. My oldest daughter was 3 at the time. I then had 2 more daughters. Maybe I parented out of guilt, giving them everything they ever needed or wanted. Regarding the question of what you should do for your mom. I would suggest the same. Have your kids make her a drawing, let her babysit, have a pizza night. If she is emotionally draining you talk to her about it. Try to get her into a support group, counselor or pastor to talk it through. Sounds like she is lonely. I hope you find the right avenue that helps all involved.

This is just my humble opinion...My mother passed away 6 years ago. We were really close. She often felt neglected...but..I was just so busy. I did not understand her at the time or understand what she expected from me. But...now all of my children are grown and I TOTALLY get her. I would have been such a better daughter now, that my children are grown. I remember things that my mom said to me, these are the exact things that I sometimes feel.

Take time to call your mom...make her feel that she matters to you. Tell her that you need her help. Call and ask her advice, her opinion of things. Spending time together allowing her to help you cope with your busy life will benefit everyone.

I think that everyone of us, but especially our mothers want to be assured that we still are relative in your world. We like you to need us sometimes. We love to help you shine....No matter how old you are, your mother loves you and wants you to be sincerely happy more than anyone else in your world.

I wish I could go back and tell my mom that I always needed her, she was always relative in my world, and I always saw the beauty that she added to the world.

I hope that somehow this helped. Take care of yourself. You are no good to anyone if you don't take care of yourself. You are lucky to have your sister and your mother close by. I read this once that helped me...It went something like..."At the end of your life you don't ever get an award for going it alone, for doing it all by yourself."

Blessings and hugs for you and your mom,

All good comments.

I deviate a tad bit from most EMers, in that I am actively doing everything I can to give space to the young adult I gave birth too.

One way I am doing this is by journaling. Another is taking inexpensive trips to places that cost significantly less, even 'staycations' (in my city or close proximity. I have found it breaks the pattern I was in as a pattern, and creates new avenues for having experiences that keepeople me going.