hi CopingNow I'm sorry you're going through this. I think you need to be less hard on yourself though - allow yourself to grieve what is the end of an era; the end of a chapter in your life story - because it really is a big deal! Laying in bed wallowing may not be healthy compared to your normal activities but we all need to allow ourselves the luxury of slacking off and wallowing in self pity and sadness occasionally - I really think this is healthy! If you set a time limit on it, it does you good in the long term I think, because you are acknowledging the fact that you are sad and grieving the loss of something irreplaceably valuable to you. Also that you are out of control of the situation, but that you know you'll get through it eventually - because we all do.

I'm not one for rushing the healing process, but rather take some positive action which makes you feel in control of your life again, because it's this feeling of being out of control of what's hurting you, which causes depression - the anger and frustration at having no choice, is turned inwards if it can't be expressed in a positive way. I know my current addiction to buying dolls online (hours of trawling amazon etc) is a distraction from the pain I feel over my 'redundancy' as a mother now my son's left home. But I allow myself to buy cheaper, play dolls, because it's a harmless addiction compared to the alternatives! And it makes me feel genuinely happy for a while, so I forgive myself for being 'weak' - and I'm sure God forgives me for it too! Be aware that He forgives you for laying in bed watching TV - it's not unhealthy compared to hitting the booze or running off to Vegas, and grief is usually what drives people to those extremes too.

We are human, quite simply, and we'll never be perfect in this life - sometimes 'damage limitation' is the best we can achieve, which is why we needed forgiveness in the first place surely? Personally I think we need to model this kind of unconditional love to our children too. My mom was a Christian and determined not to 'condone' my sinful lifestyle when I left home and ran wild. So she cut me out of her life - left me to struggle through it alone, believing sincerely that it would teach me a lesson. But it didn't! It forced me into an awful lifestyle which I became trapped in simply because she refused to be lenient - she felt it was her Christian duty to uphold and enforce St Paul's standards of perfection. Where was the love? God is love, first and foremost, if you're a Christian - that's what it's all about surely? We FAIL and we need His loving forgiveness, day after day. If we can't forgive ourselves, again and again, and forgive our children in the same way, we can't understand or accept the loving forgiveness of God. Your daughter, like my son, is surely showing more faith in God's good nature than I do, with my obsession over doing 'the right thing' for fear of punishment.

All you can do is pray that your daughter will make the right choices, find the right path and the right people in life. But also be aware that God really does move in mysterious ways - we will probably never see the end result of all the 'wrong' choices made by the people we love - we just have to have faith and hope for the best - put our trust in Him and let go of them. Believe that what happens happens for a reason, even if we can't figure it out. You've done a good job raising your daughter - but she has to go her own way and make her own choices now she's an adult. I think as parents we need to keep on loving them and being there unconditionally if they need us, but stop trying to warn, teach, punish or guide them. We HAVE TO stand back and respect them as adults - otherwise they have to cut us out of their lives, in order to grow their self-respect. And if they're forced to do that, they are then very vulnerable, since they are really inexperienced and naive to the ways of the world (but whatever you do don't tell them that LOL). They need us there as a safety net to catch them when they inevitably fall, rather than as a seat-belt to restrain them from harm in the first place. They are going to make mistakes - we have to accept it. Which is so tough as we want to protect them forever! It's hard - but we don't need to be brave all the time xxx

Edana, thanks so much for your thoughts and insight!!! I am so glad I joined this group. And that I have identified how stressed and depressed I was becoming. It is definitely slow going.

It is refreshing being able to vent and here others stories. One of my biggest fears has always been being totally cut off from my kids. When my daughter was a freshman in high school and running with a rougher crowd I feared she would run away and end up victim of sex trafficking. Unfortunately, or fortunately I was very educated on this through my work at the time. So I tended to make compromises and pray alot. I don't actually know how much was compromise but when she would fall I wanted to be available to help her back up.

I imagine our relationship and my way of parenting won't change drastically. I am careful when and how I share my opinion and have never told her that she could do better than her boyfriend.

My own mother was always way over protective and I resented the smothering for years. We have a good relationship now. I forgive her for those years. And she has changed how she responds to me. Life is a process.

I have recently been working on improving our curb appeal in the front of the house. My backyard is a nightmare of weeds. But with time it may look nice. So I am starting to try to change my how I spend my time but still allow myself time to wallow if I need it.