Emotional Abuse Community Group

This group is for people who live their lives with an emotionally abusive person. Often Isolation is a barrier to getting help and support from others who know what you are going through.

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jojo42 02/11/2009

I am sure you are all aware of the crazy cyle abusers create. I have gained strength and ready to get out after 21 yrs of emotional and verbal abuse. My question is when in the abusers crazy cycle is the best to leave? The honeymoon stage? The tension building stage or the actual outburst stage? I am ready, I am employed, I have a wonderful support system between work, church and friends. I am just having a HORRIBLE time making that final step out the door. Scared when he is enraged, feel horrible when he is in the honeymoon stage and the tension building stage can be so short I don't even know it is happenening. We are currently in the honeymoon stage.
Any advice? Thanks!

hurtinandhealin2560 02/19/2009

I think just getting out is important. My guess is even if you leave during the honeymoon stage, he get angry and enraged very quickly. Do you have a safe place to go to?

Good luck. I lived with verbal/emotional abuse for 27 years until stbx cheated on me again and I kicked him out. Don't waste any more years on an abuser. Get out now.

deleted_user 02/20/2009

I think the key word you said was When your ready, not based on his cycles or his BS. The time would be for you when you can financially afford it and know you will be okay. Sometimes we just have to do it, and physically walk out the door, your mind and emotions will catch up with you later, when its a safe place for you to just dump your feelings after the fact. Dont focus on him, he is running in a circle, and all you will get is tired and confused. You go girl, you can do it.

deleted_user 03/01/2009

I did it at the very nasty stage as I found it was when I was most angry and had the most energy to answer back, At the honeymoon stage we often forget how bad they are and its not so easy to leave. trouble is they change so quickly from one to another

good luck

jojo42 03/03/2009

All very valid points! Thank you!

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