I went about a week and a half without throwing up all the food I ate but I'm back at it again and I hate myself!! Either I don't eat, or I eat a little and throw up like 6 times because I ate, say, suppose an apple. Because I'm so terrified of gaining weight. But I hear throwing up slowers your metabolism so I really need to stop. I'll just go back to my old ways of just not eating at all and constant work out.

I really hate that I'm like this. I'm just fed up with myself. I almost killed myself twice this week. But I didn't because I have a purpose, but sometimes I get into a weird state of mind where all the voices in my head that aren't mine scream at me and all I hear is negative things and I don't think about anyone or anything except myself and how much I deserve to die and I'm honestly just scared of myself!