Well, I first have to say how sorry I am that your mother said that to you. I can understand her possible frustration but that is such a hurtful comment to make. I am sure you must be so hurt from that and I hope you will allow yourself to process that hurt.

Are you working with a therapist at all for your ED?

I am so sorry about the comment that was said to you. Just know that your family truly wants the best for you, and maybe the ferocity of their actions and words is their way of showing it. I know what you're going through and I know it's SOO hard to see a light at the end of the tunnel. Just when you think you've found it, something happens and you seem to be right back where you started. But you are here, searching for help! And you know that feeling excitement about weight dropping isn't a healthy thing for you! So you're already taking steps in the right direction and it sounds like you're taking this seriously. Maybe if you explained what you wrote on here to your family, they would agree to having you see a therapist?? It really helps, I promise! But in the meantime, we'll be here for you!

I have attended therapy before but my parents pulled me from therapy because I refused to take medication for my depression and anxiety and they said I don't therapy until I've earned it and I don't feel comfortable taking meds so I will never earn the help. I need to save myself at this point, I need to tell myself to eat while I'm also telling myself to starve and it's really hard to be the person who has to motivate myself to eat when I'm also the person who is forcing myself to go days without food. Without support, it's difficult.

OMG. I cannot believe that is what your parents did to you. Dare I say it's no wonder you have an ED. My mother was just as harsh with me (harsh is the nicest word I can use). I agree about the meds. For many years therapists and doctors wanted me on anti-anxiety meds but I wouldn't take them. I do feel that meds have a place in the healing process but I don't believe them to be the "cure".

What I have learned about ED's is that they are a coping mechanism we use when we don't want to feel our feelings. In many cases, and I believe yours may be one of them, we stop our feelings because it is not safe to express our feelings around others. It's very hard to 'not feel' so we find ways to cope such as ED's, alcohol, drugs etc. What I had to do was relearn how to feel my feelings, identify what the feelings were and then learn how to express them safely. Keep in mind I didn't do this work until I was in my mid-40's so my feelings were buried pretty deep. You may actually still know what feelings are and what they feel like.

Therapy is so much more than just being medicated. My mother didn't understand this either. In therapy we talk about our feelings about everything. Just based on what you have said here I'd imagine you could fill up many hours in a therapists office just talking about your home life (I am making an assumption here. Sorry if I am wrong). Working through all of those feelings would probably help your ED tremendously. If you have any traumas in your past you would also work on healing those which would also help your ED tremendously. I guess what I'm saying is, as soon as you break free from your parents, please seek out a good therapist. You CAN heal without meds and you deserve to heal. In the meantime please come here and talk to us. Write in a journal all your feelings from anger to anguish. If you have your license then go for a drive as often as you can. If not, maybe go for walks just to get out of the house and be with your own thoughts. You are not alone. We are here and we care. ((Hugs))

I don't think there is a matter of "earning" therapy like your parents believe. You are worth therapy, and the extra help that you deserve, medication or not. I have experience with medication, and it really has helped me, but I also understand where you're coming from. If you don't believe in using medication, and would like to try therapy without it, your parents may not agree with you, but they should still respect your beliefs and get you the help that you are worth. But in the mean time, I'm glad you are here and this community is here to give you support! I understand what you mean about how it almost seems like there are two people inside that are trying to motivate your eating patterns. You have a critical, judgmental person, and then there's your true self. I call the critical, judgmental person "CJ" for short when sorting through the two. For example, if I'm hungry for lunch, CJ might say "you don't need lunch, you had a big breakfast" but then I'll stop and think about what my true self would say, and she would say, "I am hungry for lunch and I need this fuel for the rest of my day. I shouldn't judge this meal based upon a past eating experience." It really does sound silly, but I find it helpful to really separate your critical self from your true self. Keep us updated in how you're doing! We're here to support you!

Thank you! These are all very helpful. This is my first time posting on here and I'm so glad I have found this community! I plan on finding my own type of therapy when I can because I know it will not come from my parents unless I am checked into a mental hospital like my parents threaten to do sometimes. At this point in my eating disorder maybe a hospital would be a good choice but they haven't noticed my 15 pound weight loss yet and how I continue to lose the weight. I'm also a senior this year and wouldn't like to spend my last year in the hospital but I know I won't be better within these 3 months of summer. I've made my stomach so small that a few bites of food make me feel as if I'm going to barf and so I try my best to eat but I still never get enough without a nauseous feeling. I know I should talk to my mom more about it because she had an ED as a teenager but as I've already expressed she has given up on me and expects me to figure it out on my own.

Please do what is best for your health. Being in high school won't matter much if you don't have the strength to get yourself there or the mental capacity to do the work. Your health is so important. Your life is so important and I don't want to see you give up on that. So if going into a hospital will get you back on track and healthy then that is what you should do.

Hi, I am sorry you are having a hard time with this. I hope you will be ok soon. Please keep posting. Lots of hugs Laya