Eating Disorders Support Group
Eating disorders are marked by an obsessive need to control the intake and/or purging of food. This community is dedicated to those struggling on the road to recovery. Join to discuss your experience with others and find support. Get advice, ask questions, and meet others who are going through similar struggles.
What does eating balanced look like? I can't get out of the all or nothing attitude. For example, maybe the day starts out with someone bringing in donuts and then I'll think "there's no point in trying to eat healthy now" and have junk food the rest of the day. Then I'll think "tomorrow I'll only eat 'healthy' foods" but then if I mess up, it's starts all over again. I also live with my parents, so I don't feel comfortable asking them to not have "tempting" foods around the house because then they'll probably think I'm getting back into old habits, but I really just want to be "balanced" if that makes sense?
The way you are thinking "there's no point in trying to eat healthy now" was a mindset I also had. It's because I felt so defeated by food. I felt that it held me hostage and that I had no real control over it. But now that I am not eating my feelings I find that I can have that donut and then eat healthy meals the rest of the day. I'm also finding that, most often, I don't even want the donut so I don't have it. But this took time and lots of work on my part.
There was a time when I turned to food for love. Food was all I had and whenever anyone told me I had to give up certain foods I felt devastated. It was like ripping my heart out. I had a lot of healing to do before I no longer turned to food to find love. I had to learn to love myself mostly and believe me, that took the longest time ever. You are not alone in your thinking and I know you are doing the work necessary to help you heal. It takes time and patience. Hang in there.