NO MORE SELF DEPRECIATING. THAT IS NOT ALLOWED!!! YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. YOU ARE NOT I REPEAT NOT DISGUSTING. YOu are just not at your best, but that does not mean that you won't get there eventually. I believe in you and I know that you will get there. Your life is bursting with possibilities. I know travelling is a challenge. And I feel that when you are a visitor you should try your best to not purge. I did not say it would be easy. But at least do your best not to. Maybe it would be good for you to try to manage something that will cause less anxiety. Try to enjoy the weekend and try to focus on being with family. Also easier said than done. All you can do, is do your best. But promise me, love yourself, be kind to yourself, and stop putting yourself down. We are all human and we all have plenty of human frailties. No more self loathing and self hate. You have got to squelch those voices because they are NOT you and your ED is NOT YOU. It does not define you. You are beautiful. Say this over and over today. You are worth it. You are valuable. You are great. You hang in there and practice loving yourself. I hope you can strive for personal best during the trip. Just do your best and pat yourself on the back. xxxx Sending love and hugs.

Aw thankyou so much. That really made my morning :)
I will try my best, and that is all I can do. Yes, it won't be easy, but who said recovery ever was and there are so many out there who do recover. So step by step I will eventually get there, no matter how many wrong routes I take, I will find my way eventually. Thank you so much. I will try my hardest to stop putting the pressure on myself and try to minimize or not purge while I'm away and hopefully for when I come back as well. Lots of love and hugs back to you xx

I know you are going to have a great time!!! Give yourself a bit of fun. You deserve it my friend!!!! Go and have some fun. Let yourself live it up a little. And keep on keeping on. Don't look back. Look forward. Let us know how it goes Xxx

I'm not sure how I'm going, but I'm just trying to enjoy every moment and just notice the little things. Smelling the flowers, letting loose when I can. I guess that's all that matters, despite all of the other things going on and major fatigue, have to somehow live my life even if I'm carrying the eating disorder on my shoulders along the way.

How did your weekend go, sweetie?

On the journey back to home now, it was good, though I still didn't have anything purge free... :( but it was alright. And I found out my mum has completely no idea about what I'm doing. She thinks I am completely better and its all a thing of the past now :/

Glad the weekend was ok...now let's start working on a meal or two that are purge free...what are some foods you could start with? What about some oatmeal or some cream of wheat? Or what about an Ensure? Do you have any ideas? I am glad that you had a good weekend, though. I am happy for you.

I tried to just go, meh I don't care about this at all anymore... but then I couldn't handle it and I was in the shops with my mum getting my new laptop and I pretty much had to run out of the shops because my anxiety and guilt and whatever else it is that makes me purge was built up so much. But I think I may have managed to eat an apple, without purging, but I'm not sure if I did or not. Thankyou though, I guess it was good to have a break and go away, although I came back and the scales are at home... so that probably wasn't a very good idea (as in encouragement for the Eating Disorder) But I will try my best to ignore it, because my weight is only a number!