Eating Disorders Support Group

Eating disorders are marked by an obsessive need to control the intake and/or purging of food. This community is dedicated to those struggling on the road to recovery. Join to discuss your experience with others and find support. Get advice, ask questions, and meet others who are going through similar struggles.

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MermaidSinger 08/08/2011

There was a member of the eating disorder community who friended me twice, and her journals and posts were all about how she's so proud she ate only an apple a day, and whenever people attempted to help her, she said, and I quote "I don't care I love being skinny ;)"

I sent her this message:

Hey girl! I just wanted to let you know why I denied your friend request, because I don't want to be rude and I really would love to support you in your time of need.

However, it is apparent that you really don't want recovery right now. You are proud of and flaunting your ED behaviors, and you don't want to be happy or healthy, you just want to be skinny. As a girl who has lost enough weight and gained it all back again, I can tell you that being skinny solves nothing. It doesn't make you friends, it doesn't make your family love you, it doesn't help you find TRUE love, it doesn't get you good grades, it doesn't make you successful or talented or anything but skinny. That's it. Skinny is worthless. Skinny has been wrecking my life for so long, don't let yourself take the same path.

I am ALWAYS here for you if you want to talk, but I can't be around someone who does not want to recover or at least try to. It's not conducive to me staying healthy. The journals and "pro-thin" attitude are painful. I hope you understand. And I hope even more that you choose to let us help you and try to find something ELSE that makes Morgan who she is, besides the way she looks.

Tell me what you think, ok? Best wishes,

Meg

She replied making me feel like an awful person. I try really hard to make sure I support people, but I really can't be around someone who is so happy with having an eating disorder. I'm in a fragile state myself. Am I just being selfish?

MermaidSinger 08/08/2011

P.s. this girl also did a post a week or two ago called "Success" about how she has only eaten an apple and can purge well or something. I can't even...argh. I feel like a bad selfish person but she really seems inappropriate to me.

bunnieluver18 08/08/2011

NO! YOU WERE NOT BEING SELFISH BY NOT FRIENDING HER!! Oh my goodness! This girl is on a rollercoaster bound for destruction. Good for you for letting her know where she is heading, but not jumping on board with her! That takes strength and courage. Hang in there. You did the right thing! :)

AuntTammie 08/08/2011

Your response was very well written and not at all selfish. However, it is sometimes necessary to act in ways that may seem a little selfish when trying to recover in that if you do not take care of yourself, you are also not going to be any use to anyone else. Friending her and failing to call her on her behavior would not only harm you, but it would be enabling her....not healthy for anyone.

jasgall 08/08/2011

meg,
your response was out of nothing but love for this young lady. that is NEVER wrong. it is not wrong to protect yourself and put up boundaries to keep yourself healthy/ while this is a very large and friendly support group, each of us is responsible for ourselves individdually. not one of us can MAKE someone else eat, go to therapy, or otherwise be in recovery. we are all responsible for our own appointments, food plans, etc. i'm glad you recognized that and did the appropriate and healthy thing for you while still being respectful and loving to her. it is never wrong to make yourself a priority.
fallon

deleted_user 08/08/2011

You were right.
She obviously needs help, but she's running the risk of triggering so many vulerable people around her.
You were very mature about it :)

deleted_user 08/08/2011

no hun, you did the right thing, you need to look after no 1 first x

deleted_user 08/08/2011

I love the message you send her. So true and very respectful. You couldn't have said it any better. I'm glad you are taking care of yourself and I hope she will get there one day. Keep up the good work.

deleted_user 08/08/2011

very well said Megs. This girl really did need to hear that whether she liked it or not. Thank god it was you to have this happen to because you said everything that needed to be said perfectly. So nice and respectful of you to give her a reason behind why you did not accept her request, When she is older and/or wants recovery i hope she comes back and thanks you. You offer great support and this is nothing less than great support bud. You were SO RIGHT in doing this.

MermaidSinger 08/08/2011

Thank you so much everyone...I really felt unsure of myself because I tend to doubt myself and feel like a bad person whenever I stand up for myself. You all have supported me so much and I am so grateful for you all. xo

deleted_user 08/09/2011

You may have been selfish, but we need to be selfish when it comes to our own recovery!! If we continue to put others first and put ourselves in a position that compromises our own recovery we never recover. ive had to stop talking to friends of mine because they had been fueling my ed. It was extremely hard to do, but in the end it was so much better for my recovery. You are the most important person in your life and sometimes you have y
to be selfish to recover

danijaydee 08/10/2011

Um, and just so you guys know, she sent this message back::

Thank you... I'm glad that you told me your wishes instead of accepting me, and having me deny who I am and not wanting to recover.. which may actually trigger you?

Much respect
Morgan

She respects you and understand why you are doing it, so i don't really see the point in asking for everyone else's opinion.

And also maybe she does have a problem, with an ED but that is how she sees it right now. I know you are trying to look after yourself and all, and I get it, believe me I do, but she is not inappropriate, it might not be the right way be she has lost weight and she is proud of that. If you had known her better you would of known that. And if you had known her situation then you would understand why she is so proud of it.

danijaydee 08/10/2011

And also, she is only just starting out, most of you would have probably been the same when you first started (if you have an ED). But you get my point.

MermaidSinger 08/10/2011

My other friends on here have shown me that I have to look out for myself. And maybe some of us were like that starting out, but we never posted things like that on a recovery site, and it's not appropriate. Calories, weight, etc.

I am glad to have the support of so many wonderful people on here. xo

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