Eating Disorders Support Group
Eating disorders are marked by an obsessive need to control the intake and/or purging of food. This community is dedicated to those struggling on the road to recovery. Join to discuss your experience with others and find support. Get advice, ask questions, and meet others who are going through similar struggles.
i know i'm active in my groups a LOT, but i don't feel the need to update my DS journal much since i already blog on a regular basis. i apologize if my consistant thread-starting is annoying anybody.
so the other day, i was feeling so good after calling NEDA. i was thinking i could definitely finish out the year without bingeing. i was just pumped. thanks to all who commented on "the light" by the way. love you guys. to see more poems, go to www.writerface.com/profile/Fallon . none of my ED poems are there though, because that profile is public.
anyway, so i was feeling really good untill i was watching VH1. they were re-capping everything major that happened this decade. this probably will sound stupid to many of you, but i was triggered by them talking about micheal jackson. i have always loved his work, and admired him for his charity work. i just think he was an awesome person. but vh1 was only talking about him in a negetive light. it upset me that a music station-the likes of which would never have been possible without him-was only focusing on the negetive.
so without thinking, i grabbed the bag of mini gingerbread cookies off the kitchen counter and a hershey bar out of the fridge.
there were about 15-20 cookies in the bag and both them and the chocolate were gone before the show i was watching was over. so i filled my travel mug with pepsi. by the time i was done, my stomach was hurting as always. so i stopped.
honestly, i thought about not saying anything. i actually had the thought, "well, the binge wasn't THAT bad. it was cookies, a hershey bar, and a pop. can you really call that a binge?" but i knew that was my ED talking, so here i am.
my dad has once again gotten groceries. there are foods that make me crazy in the house again. namely, popcorn...
due to side effects from my meds, i slept a lot today. untill about 3:00 actually. my dad was gone, so i warmed up leftover home-made soup and grabbed some crackers. i just started eating when dad came in with FOOT-LONG SUBS from subway. uggg! i didn't want to be impolite, so i put the soup in the fridge, and sat down to eat with dad. i was only going to eat half, but dad and i started talking and i lost track of how much i had eaten. i looked down, and my subwas almost gone. then, dad pulled out COOKIES...i couldn't help myself. chocolate is a weakness of mine. so i ate 2 of the cookies. and now i feel like i could just burst.
PLEASE PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR FOOD INTAKE. i didn't today and now i feel sick. i wasn't trying to binge. i wasn't upset or emotional. it just...happened.
so the other day, i was feeling so good after calling NEDA. i was thinking i could definitely finish out the year without bingeing. i was just pumped. thanks to all who commented on "the light" by the way. love you guys. to see more poems, go to www.writerface.com/profile/Fallon . none of my ED poems are there though, because that profile is public.
anyway, so i was feeling really good untill i was watching VH1. they were re-capping everything major that happened this decade. this probably will sound stupid to many of you, but i was triggered by them talking about micheal jackson. i have always loved his work, and admired him for his charity work. i just think he was an awesome person. but vh1 was only talking about him in a negetive light. it upset me that a music station-the likes of which would never have been possible without him-was only focusing on the negetive.
so without thinking, i grabbed the bag of mini gingerbread cookies off the kitchen counter and a hershey bar out of the fridge.
there were about 15-20 cookies in the bag and both them and the chocolate were gone before the show i was watching was over. so i filled my travel mug with pepsi. by the time i was done, my stomach was hurting as always. so i stopped.
honestly, i thought about not saying anything. i actually had the thought, "well, the binge wasn't THAT bad. it was cookies, a hershey bar, and a pop. can you really call that a binge?" but i knew that was my ED talking, so here i am.
my dad has once again gotten groceries. there are foods that make me crazy in the house again. namely, popcorn...
due to side effects from my meds, i slept a lot today. untill about 3:00 actually. my dad was gone, so i warmed up leftover home-made soup and grabbed some crackers. i just started eating when dad came in with FOOT-LONG SUBS from subway. uggg! i didn't want to be impolite, so i put the soup in the fridge, and sat down to eat with dad. i was only going to eat half, but dad and i started talking and i lost track of how much i had eaten. i looked down, and my subwas almost gone. then, dad pulled out COOKIES...i couldn't help myself. chocolate is a weakness of mine. so i ate 2 of the cookies. and now i feel like i could just burst.
PLEASE PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR FOOD INTAKE. i didn't today and now i feel sick. i wasn't trying to binge. i wasn't upset or emotional. it just...happened.
But thanks for the heads up to be watchful, it is the first compulsive bite that gets me! And We must be vigilante.
I do a 12 step thing, and they have a saying
"No food tastes as good as abstinence feel" I try to use that when I think of that first bite.
You will feel better soon, just keep on keepin on. riseup
All that to say, you're right the binge could have been much much worse. But a binge none the less and a good warning. But good for you for catching it when you did and realizing!
i appreciate your honesty, it's encouraging.
Thank you
Stella
Hugs