Eating Disorders Support Group
Eating disorders are marked by an obsessive need to control the intake and/or purging of food. This community is dedicated to those struggling on the road to recovery. Join to discuss your experience with others and find support. Get advice, ask questions, and meet others who are going through similar struggles.
I feel like I'm at breaking point at the moment. How much longer can I be expected to 'cope'!
I go to Day Patients for my Anorexia 5 days a week (I was an inpatient about 2 months back for 4 months) and on Tuesday my thoughts about suicide were so strong I couldn't go home. I have to take the train home and all I kept seeing was images of me throwing myself under it or jumping in front of cars etc. Luckily they had a spare bed there and held me overnight.
Yesterday wasn't so bad, I just felt numb to everything so I wasn't really thinking about anything. Just feel veryhopeless about the future. But this morning I've got up and the thoughts are whirring around my head again and I just feel like screaming at the top of my lungs!
Everyone keeps telling me the only way I will learn to cope is to go through times like these. But my worry is...what is it...something like 1 in 10? DON'T get through it. They succeed in committing suicide. I have never actually tried because I wouldn't need to. As far as I'm concerned there is no 'try'. If I want to die...I will die and I would make sure of it. Most people who are saved from suicide attempts must have in some way, still wanted the chance to be saved. I know that wouldn't happen to me which is why I've never made any attempts on my life.
Suicide aside....knowing I can't do it, self harming is the next coping mechanism which is tempting me. Again, images just go through my head of me doing it etc... sometimes they are so bad they can make me feel quite sick and dizzy.
Well...anyway...I just needed to get these thoughts and feelings out. I don't know why because it doesn't take them away and you are all just people sitting on computers trying to help people the best you can. I guess I just don't want to feel so alone with these thoughts. I just want them to go away...
x-Bliss-x
I go to Day Patients for my Anorexia 5 days a week (I was an inpatient about 2 months back for 4 months) and on Tuesday my thoughts about suicide were so strong I couldn't go home. I have to take the train home and all I kept seeing was images of me throwing myself under it or jumping in front of cars etc. Luckily they had a spare bed there and held me overnight.
Yesterday wasn't so bad, I just felt numb to everything so I wasn't really thinking about anything. Just feel veryhopeless about the future. But this morning I've got up and the thoughts are whirring around my head again and I just feel like screaming at the top of my lungs!
Everyone keeps telling me the only way I will learn to cope is to go through times like these. But my worry is...what is it...something like 1 in 10? DON'T get through it. They succeed in committing suicide. I have never actually tried because I wouldn't need to. As far as I'm concerned there is no 'try'. If I want to die...I will die and I would make sure of it. Most people who are saved from suicide attempts must have in some way, still wanted the chance to be saved. I know that wouldn't happen to me which is why I've never made any attempts on my life.
Suicide aside....knowing I can't do it, self harming is the next coping mechanism which is tempting me. Again, images just go through my head of me doing it etc... sometimes they are so bad they can make me feel quite sick and dizzy.
Well...anyway...I just needed to get these thoughts and feelings out. I don't know why because it doesn't take them away and you are all just people sitting on computers trying to help people the best you can. I guess I just don't want to feel so alone with these thoughts. I just want them to go away...
x-Bliss-x
x-Bliss-x
im so sorry you are struggling so bad. it sounds horrible.
If you can find it in you to fight then FIGHT> It doesnt sound like you want o commit suicide... you sound pretty sure about that...
sending good thoughts your way... keep fighting
Not true that most people who attempt suicide and fail wanted to be found, the first time i was found by a random person in the middle of nowhere and the second time the bloody pipe broke i tried to hang myself from, fait i think i am still here perhaps, I still think of suicide and i also hope that they will go away, i am told in time with support, treatment and meds they will but for now you need to be as honest as you can with the support team you have, let them know how you are feeling so they can help keep you safe, xxx
I am still stuggling at the moment but trying to distract.
x-Bliss-x