Eating Disorders Support Group

Eating disorders are marked by an obsessive need to control the intake and/or purging of food. This community is dedicated to those struggling on the road to recovery. Join to discuss your experience with others and find support. Get advice, ask questions, and meet others who are going through similar struggles.

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Tired of failing

perfectmask91
perfectmask91

I was diagnosed and treated for anorexia 2 years ago. Since then, almost every night i binge. Most of the time i spit out the food. I am afraid of gaining anymore weight. I have been battling with a lot of depression lately. I feel like a failure, yet everyone always compliments me on my healthy lifestyle. This only makes me feel worse. I have little to no friends, and tend to live in secret most of the time. I try to go out but my anxiety limits me on most things. I find that it is easy for me to socialize when i exercise. I really want to live a normal recovered lifestyle but it seems distance. I love to exercise, but never feel I can ever take a break. I feel guilty every morning and try to make up for it. I tend to workout 3-6 hours a day depending. I am so afraid to confide in anyone about this because i feel awful about what i do, being so wasteful and uncontrolled. I dont feel anyone understands. I am afraid i will be like this forever. It feeds into my depression and makes me feel i am unfit for life. I dont know where to start, not sure if their is hope for me. I just want to enjoy life again and learn to love myself. anyone else feel this way? any suggestions? I have tried counseling but even then, i am ashamed to say how i really feel or do. sometimes i feel this problems control me. I tend to give in because i feel "it will happen anyway". I just want things to stop because i feel i am out of control with my life.

agse
agse
I am so sorry that you are struggling so much right now. I understand where you are and how you feel. I have been there many times myself. First and foremost, I want you to know you are not a failure...you are struggling, but that does not make you a failure! We all struggle in our own ways, some just more severe than others. I want you to know there is hope. I have been where you are and am on the other side of it and trying to live life to the fullest. I understand the shame and secrecy of the disorder, the fear of being found out and being judged. The most important thing that I had to learn was that secrecy is going to keep me exactly where I am at. Secrecy and shame go hand and hand and they will never move us forward and only continue to take us further into despair. I had to get honest with myself, with my loved ones to let them know how bad I was struggling, and with my therapist. I know we don't want anyone to think poorly of us and feel like we need to put on a mask and hide our feelings. In fact that's what culture teaches us to do...hide...be fake etc. If we maintain this thinking we will never overcome our struggles! Being honest, admitting we have a problem and taking the steps we need to to become healthy is the only way that things will change. Will it be hard? Most definitely, but it is so worth it. You are worth it! This illness will continue to control you as long as you let it, but know ultimately you have control to change and make healthier choices. Will you fail at times and backslide? Probably. I know I did and continue to at times, but that does not make you a failure, it makes you human! What's important is that you pick yourself back up and keep moving forward, even if the steps are small. You can do this. I believe in you. Believe in yourself! Reach out for help. I know that's not always easy, but the healing journey takes courage. I know you have that in you or you would not have posted. You are not alone! Wishing you the best!
KayBeth
KayBeth
It really helped me when I found a group of friends. Ana is a place to hide when you have a hole that’s not being filled. Do you have any other interests? Could you join some groups? Give yourself a reason not to spend your time obsessing on numbers or exercise because you have something better to do. It’s hard at first but totally worth it.
Prycejosh1987
Prycejosh1987
The problem is your limited expressiveness. Express your feelings.