Eating Disorders Support Group

Eating disorders are marked by an obsessive need to control the intake and/or purging of food. This community is dedicated to those struggling on the road to recovery. Join to discuss your experience with others and find support. Get advice, ask questions, and meet others who are going through similar struggles.

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Struggling; I want to get better but it’s hard

question
question

I’m having a difficult time. It’s not that I dont want to make changes- I do, and I make plans like I’ll do _____, ______, and ______ this week (eat at a certain time, wake up at a time, have a schedule) buuuut I just can’t achieve it.. I think I’m going to have to cancel my appointment with my dietician AGAIN because I just CANT make the changes I want to. I know physically yes I’m able but I’m just having a really hard time... stupidly stepped on the scale and saw I had lost some weight which made me want to restrict again, I still want to lose weight. I don’t know how to look at this differently... I really have intentions to meet my goals when I make them but quickly they just fall apart. Ex. I’ve been miserable this week so I guess ED behavior is my response to that. I need to get to a better place so I can be more independent because I want to be able to live on campus next year and my school is very distant(currently do online). But when depression saps my motivation and the need to control my eating kicks in I just fail. I wish I could do it. I NEED to do it, somehow. But... it’s just so hard.

mikii613
mikii613
I totally understand! I do the same thing and one thing I do to help is to not overload myself. I focus on one goal everyday and it makes everything manageable.
nowandthen
nowandthen
Sad to hear your having a bad time recently :( just try and remember we all have them and the fog will clear soon.
Instead of loosing weight by restricting have you tried on focusing your mind on fitness and getting leaner instead or specifying fat loss?
Watching fitness videos motivates me sometimes from a bad place
LuckyEmpath
LuckyEmpath
I'm sorry you are struggling so much right now. I can relate to how you are feeling and it sounds like you are just not ready for the next step. You said "I’ve been miserable this week so I guess ED behavior is my response to that." and I agree with this statement. ED's are coping mechanisms for us so we can get through the tough feelings. I hope coming here and talking to us has helped move some of those feelings for you.

As for the dietician - Maybe you can go and listen to what is said. It doesn't mean you have to follow the eating plan right now. Allow yourself to be in control of what you do or don't do with the information you hear that day. And if you are not ready to do something with the information right now you will at least have it available for you later when you are ready to move to the next step.