For as long as I can remember I sneak and hide food. I would eat as much as I could when no one was home and then not eat when everyone else was eating. I still do this and I am 37. I spend a lot of time binging and purging. I really feel like food is an addiction to me. Then I also have an addiction to alcohol. I have only begun to start to get that under control but as I get that under control the food gets more out of control. I am also really depressed. I have always had seasonal depression which developed into just plain depression a few years ago and then my grandmother passed away in October and I couldnt even get out of bed. I did not want to do anything. I knew something wasnt right so I saw my dr. I was already on an anti-depressant so he prescribed another one to work with it. He also prescribed me an appetite suppressant which I felt helped me at first but like every other time, the food wins in the end. I always end up making myself puke because I am already heavier than I have ever been in my life and I hate it and I dont want to continue to gain wait but I know what I am doing is so unhealthy but I cant seem to get myself under control.