Hi, I am 44 years old, married, work full time and we have a 14 year old son.  This is my story and looking for advise, help, etc.

I've never been diagnosed with an eating disorder but I'm sure that's what I have had for years.  I deal with depression as well so that does not help.  I've had issues with food since I was a kid.  Alot has to do with insecurity I guess.  Family calling me fat names.  They may have just been kidding but something that really hits us hard.  My mom in and out of my life and my dad raising me with my step mom and her son.....It's tough and we try not to let that bother us but inside it does and we try to make the right decisons and our minds take over like we have no say so.  That's how I feel.

If I am upset, anxious, having a hard day, etc. I turn to food.  I binge, eat for no reason.  I can do good for a week or so and as soon as I have something bad it goes on for days, weeks at a time.  It's like I cannot stop myself.  I'm tryng really hard again and just figuring out what I need or what has helped others to help fight this battle.  I don't think it will ever go away but me trying over and over and not giving up has been my only key.  

I wish this was not so hard.  You can explaiin to people and they really don't understand or don't know how to help.  We try to help ourselves thinking this time we got it but wind up failing.  I feel like if I set a plan then I know I will fail.  I need to trust myself and make decisions and know that I can stick with them.  

I'm going to try the turbo carb cycling with my friend and hope I can find a happy place in my life with food.  I am a regular exerciser but with food, you can't out exercise a bad diet and that is true.  My weight has yo yo'd for years and I know it has to be dangerous for my health.  Prob the worst thing!

Sorry to ramble, just getting stuff off my chest and hoping by getting back on DS that this will help (journaling again).

Thanks, Kathy