You need to make the decision and the commitment to put recovery first and foremost in your life right now. You are right...you have come too far to turn back. Remember...food is neither good nor bad...it is just a fact of life. It is nourishment for our bodies so that we can do what we need to do and accomplish those things we want to accomplish. You need food in order to be able to focus and concentrate to study for 2 hours a day...without nourishment your brain will not be able to focus. I know you have other things that you need to talk to your therapist about but this sounds like it is a priority and is something that needs to be addressed as well before it does spiral out of control. Can you try to make sure that you bring it up. It is something that she needs to know. You can do this...you are taking steps in the right direction. I have faith in you...try to have faith in yourself.

Hi valgal18,

I've found food is never the issue; it's only the symptom... that is to say, whatever's happening with the body/weight/food is like a red-warning light on the dashboard of your life. It's telling you there's something you need to slow down and look at. As Sarasota34233 says, the punishment/restriction issue is a priority to talk to your therapist with. When I see mine, I choose, at any given time, to talk about what I need to on that that, on that week. Therapy is driven by the client. So reach out and get the support and help you need. You are worth it!
Kim :)