Eating Disorders Support Group

Eating disorders are marked by an obsessive need to control the intake and/or purging of food. This community is dedicated to those struggling on the road to recovery. Join to discuss your experience with others and find support. Get advice, ask questions, and meet others who are going through similar struggles.

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EmmaammE 02/20/2008

I dont want to trigger anyone or give anyone any ideas i just want to share my temptation and get your thoughts. So please dont read anymore if you are struggling

Most of you no im quite addicted to laxatives and im finding it really hard to break. I cant go in to any store with out buying them or being tempted to buy them which means i either buy them or dont go shopping so dont eat or buy food! catch 22. I find it really embaressing buying them but the need is bigger than the embaressment and i just get out the shop quick! ive discovered an easy way of getting hold of them with out anyone seeing - Self service check outs! I can buy (in most shops) 80 laxatives at a time without anyone noticing. Im also a bit paronoid about buying knifes or scissors ( history of SH) but i can do this through the self check out coz nobody sees.

I guess my question is does anyone else struggle with the temptation of self service check outs? I have untill the 19th march to totally give them up or my psychiatrist will be cross. well thats what im suppose to be doing by next session

deleted_user 02/20/2008

I don't really like that your psychiatrist is giving you definite dates to give things up by.. getting better does not work like that, and s/he needs to get their head out of the sand and realise that. If you want to give something up to be healthier, you need to do it for your own sake and not a threat of someone else being angry.

I do also struggle with this issue. It's not so much self-service check outs that make it hard, though, but I can see how that would only facilitate the problem. I am always ALWAYS tempted to buy binge food, laxatives, diuretics, etc when I am out shopping. It drives me bloody mad some days.

The only thing I have found that helps right now is being on a strict budget and not being able to shell out any extra money for my ED. I know for a lot of people this isn't effective because the temptation is too great, but I always tell myself "This rent/bill money literally down the drain".

This has worked for me for a couple of months now.

deleted_user 02/20/2008

This may sound stupid but if the embarrassment of buying laxatives at all stops you from doing it, then try to be aware of all the security cameras that are positioned at the self check out? You are definitely being watched. XOXO

KayBeth 02/20/2008

I often use self check out for food shop because I don't want people judging my empty trolley with a few diet foods. I don't why I care I guess its just the secrecy thing of ED.

Smash 02/20/2008

I breathe, eat, sleep laxatives.

EmmaammE 02/20/2008

Hum ok i suppose i didnt mean to sound like my psychiatrist is giving me deadlines, i think its more me feeling im letting people down and wasting his time. What he actually said was that he couldnt make a proper assesment of me when i was using so many laxatives. They make me really ill and bad tempered. He said that if i didnt stop i would have to be refered to an ED specialist. I dont have money for them either but they seem more important than buying food. silly ay?

I agree i think the whole self service thing is todo which being paraniod about what people think of me buying junk food, diet pills and laxatives. I supose the shop assitant behind the till doesnt even notice really but deffo secrecy and ED.

Anyway thanks for your comments its been really helpful. x x x

deleted_user 02/20/2008

I never even thought about that. I've never been too ashamed to buy razor blades even if people knew what they were for. I guess I'm beyond ashamed.

deleted_user 02/21/2008

i was like that for a while but i started a disapline plan which slowly hwlped me control the urge! i have my sister take my ipod away for 2 days if i buy exlax! (this works with watever u cant live without) good luck!

deleted_user 02/21/2008

Yes, shame has always been a large deterrent. We don't have a lot of self-checkouts, so it was always out of the way stores for me.

It wasn't even embarrassment, so much as utter paranoia that they'd just KNOW. Which was the reason I stopped buying ipecac. (No, the fact that it was dangerously insane was apparently not enough of a deterrent, but people realizing I wasn't just buying it for First Aid was. How messed up is that?)

Anyway, just wanted to relate.

Regardless of whether you stop the laxatives in the near future or not, I think you should probably be being seen by an ED specialist. They'll probably have a better understanding of what is motivating a lot of the other behaviors. An ED specialist will understand stuffing down feelings, even if the main way you are dealing with them is a different version of SI.

Juice 02/21/2008

Jeez! 80 at a time. You should def see an ED specialist. When you originally posted that you ironically flushed them away I couldn't imagine doing that, but it did inspire me to cut down hugely. Thanks to this post I'm going to be looking over my shoulder if I am tempted to buy more thinking about Gabrador's dog looking at me through CCTV! Mad, buy hey, if it works.
I really hope you can kick the habit, and I know how hard it's going to be, but you CAN do it. maybe you just need some expert help :)

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