Eating Disorders Support Group
Eating disorders are marked by an obsessive need to control the intake and/or purging of food. This community is dedicated to those struggling on the road to recovery. Join to discuss your experience with others and find support. Get advice, ask questions, and meet others who are going through similar struggles.
hi-this is possibly the most difficult blog i've ever had to write concerning my ED. for the past few days, i have wanted to binge constantly. a simple trip to the mall turned to ED HELL in an instant. i was doing well all through dinner (chick-fil-a). i ordered a chicken sandwich meal plus a brownie. kayla had been RAVING about these smoothies she gets at frulatte. so i went up to the counter, explained my lactose allergy, and they said they didn't use milk. so i ordered a small strawberry bananna smoothie. halfway through, my stomach started cramping. before i could even put down the book i was reading, i was running for the barnes and noble bathroom.
when i got there, i got sick. i still felt horrible even after i was back in my chair. i sat back and just stared at the toilet, and thought, "god i feel horrid. i wish i could just hurl and get it over with." and then...
my fingers were in my mouth. thank god, i didn't stick them in far enough to do anything. almost instantly, i realized how insane i was acting. i got back in my chair, and opened the stall door.
disgusted and frightened by my purging attempt, i headed straight for blondie's cookies and binged.my stomach still hurts.
i had never even thought of throwing up as a possibility before. i had never felt so bad, been so desperate, so repulsed by food, that i vomited on purpose. i had never tried to before tonight. and it scared me ...it really freaked me out that i would even for a fraction of a second think that bulemia was ok. i need help and i need it NOW! i have an interview to reinstate my medicaid on friday.
earlier today, dad was making me soup and decided to read the calories out loud. i have tried explaning to him how this makes me feel. it doesn't seem to phase him.
and later, i was telling bryan about the smoothie fiasco. (i purposefully left out the purge attempt.) and he was like "you threw out the smoothie? homeless people would have liked that. homeless people hate you." pretty sure he was joking because he laughed. but i still wanted to slap him. if he wasn't my brother, i might have.
by the way, i still have no idea what it was about the smoothie that made me sick. please pray for me.-fallon
when i got there, i got sick. i still felt horrible even after i was back in my chair. i sat back and just stared at the toilet, and thought, "god i feel horrid. i wish i could just hurl and get it over with." and then...
my fingers were in my mouth. thank god, i didn't stick them in far enough to do anything. almost instantly, i realized how insane i was acting. i got back in my chair, and opened the stall door.
disgusted and frightened by my purging attempt, i headed straight for blondie's cookies and binged.my stomach still hurts.
i had never even thought of throwing up as a possibility before. i had never felt so bad, been so desperate, so repulsed by food, that i vomited on purpose. i had never tried to before tonight. and it scared me ...it really freaked me out that i would even for a fraction of a second think that bulemia was ok. i need help and i need it NOW! i have an interview to reinstate my medicaid on friday.
earlier today, dad was making me soup and decided to read the calories out loud. i have tried explaning to him how this makes me feel. it doesn't seem to phase him.
and later, i was telling bryan about the smoothie fiasco. (i purposefully left out the purge attempt.) and he was like "you threw out the smoothie? homeless people would have liked that. homeless people hate you." pretty sure he was joking because he laughed. but i still wanted to slap him. if he wasn't my brother, i might have.
by the way, i still have no idea what it was about the smoothie that made me sick. please pray for me.-fallon
Please remember you are human and its ok to fall !! You will be ok, you will move forward and get the help you need....
You will be in my thoughts...
My BF has a lot of food sensitivities (including milk) and you really just never know what they put in stuff. Whey, a milk protein, is in all kinds of products that you would never suspect. If your smoothie had protein powder, it probably contained whey. That could be what made you sick.
Hugs,
Ali
I support you!
And I don't want to come over as anal but maybe try to stay away from fast food chains as much as possible. That kind of food is so unhealthy in the first place and with a sensitivity to certain foods they will do you more harm than good.