Eating Disorders Support Group
Eating disorders are marked by an obsessive need to control the intake and/or purging of food. This community is dedicated to those struggling on the road to recovery. Join to discuss your experience with others and find support. Get advice, ask questions, and meet others who are going through similar struggles.
yesturday my behavorist came with a bulimia workbook...the excersise we did told me to first write a story of how my ed started and so i did..i wrote i first wanted to look like my very skinny friend (whose an athlete) in 5th grade but i didnt get that food and weight going together until middle school and by then my mom was always on me about weight..calling me fat and stuff and so one day i got sick and threw up for a week and at the end of that week i lost 14lbs and thats when i realized that i can eat and just throw it up and ill lose weight but throwing up wasnt easy when peolpe werent around and i couldnt be sick all the time without looking supisious and so i discovered laxatives and i abused those so bad...i would take three of those tablets everytime i ate a meal every day. then because of stress i just stopped eating. and i lost weight and my mom became happy with me and i get happy wen i lose weight.
the next thing on the excercise was to make a list of how bulimia effects my body mind and soul..and after i made that list i realized how much i put myself through.
then we talked about how ed is seperate from me and it is not me...i even named it sid...and so the last thing on the excercise was to visualize ed and visualizeing urself saying goodbye and NO
me and jaime (my bheavorist) talked about getting rid of bulimia but i told her im not ready..i told her im not ready because who is going to keep me on ttrack wen she leaves..i dont wanna get fat..and so she said we'll find a medium.
*BTW
im not fully bulimic....i dont binge..i probably didnt it twice in my whole eating issue experience...i throw up wen im stressed ...i mostly starve, eat, throw up, eat, and starve..its a cycle :/...im not skinny either...so i dont even think i belong on this ed forum...even tho everyone around thinks i have an ed
the next thing on the excercise was to make a list of how bulimia effects my body mind and soul..and after i made that list i realized how much i put myself through.
then we talked about how ed is seperate from me and it is not me...i even named it sid...and so the last thing on the excercise was to visualize ed and visualizeing urself saying goodbye and NO
me and jaime (my bheavorist) talked about getting rid of bulimia but i told her im not ready..i told her im not ready because who is going to keep me on ttrack wen she leaves..i dont wanna get fat..and so she said we'll find a medium.
*BTW
im not fully bulimic....i dont binge..i probably didnt it twice in my whole eating issue experience...i throw up wen im stressed ...i mostly starve, eat, throw up, eat, and starve..its a cycle :/...im not skinny either...so i dont even think i belong on this ed forum...even tho everyone around thinks i have an ed
deleted_user
Itzju, I think you're in just the right place. I am in the same boat as you in terms of looking "normal." People in my life are shocked to learn I have issues with eating. They see me eat really healthy food and I look healthy--not too skinny, not too fat. But how we look on the outside doesn't reveal whether we have disordered eating. I have finally been able to admit that I do. I stress about what I'm eating and how much every day. I restrict when I think I've been "bad" and then I get stressed and rebel by chewing and spitting--I guess a form of bulimia in some way. I'm terrified of stopping the restricting because I don't want to get fat, and I don't trust myself to "behave." It helps hearing the stories on this forum. Hang on there, and please keep sharing. Your story certainly helps me!
deleted_user
You do have an ed and I hope you continue your work with a therapist.
Itzjustme
i will continue to talk to her and work with her
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