Hello peachgirl43, welcome to the group. I am sorry you are struggling so much right now. What you describe is very common and is part of the ED thinking. My therapist has helped me understand that my ED is a coping mechanism I use when I am stressed or when I am feeling too many feelings. This comes from a traumatic childhood where it was not safe to show my feelings so I prevented myself from feeling by binging and starving. The more stress I am under the stronger the ED is.

I have almost healed the ED though and you can heal too. If it is possible for you please consider working with a therapist. You can heal and you deserve to heal. You deserve to live a life free from the ED. ((Hugs))

Thanks for the kind words ! I have a Ed therapist and am currently in outpatient treatment. I attend weekly therapy sessions and I have a dialectical behavior therapy group I attend. I also have a dietician who works with my therapist . I've just struggled for many years and I'm having a hard time with my meal plan and always wanting to purge. I do want to heal or be in recovery . How do I ge there and how long did it take you? Outpatient treatment is for a year.

In my 20's I did a lot of work on changing my thinking from negative to positive and also worked on improving my self image. This has been a continuous process throughout my life - I am now 49. This work alone did not heal the ED though. What I had to do was heal my traumatic past. I didn't have a pleasant home life and for 5 years, from 8-12, a neighbor physically, emotionally and sexually abused me. I only remembered this 5 years ago and healing this moved me forward with healing the ED. I could see how the ED was a coping mechanism I used when I didn't want to feel strong or 'unsafe' feelings.

I guess I've been working on healing my entire adult life but it was healing the trauma's that moved me forward the most.

Awe so sorry you had a traumatic childhood. I'm praying for you and thanks for the advice. I will continue to work hard and might focus in therapy why I feel I don't deserve food or love. I was also raped when I was 13 and grew up in a invalidating environment . We weren't allowed to or even learned how to express our feelings. I notice I do use my ed and urges to cut to cope with my emotions and stressors . Today I'm gonna make a list of my faveoriite coping skills. Thanks hun!!! Have a good day !!

Thank you peach. I am sorry for all you have been through too. I know you can heal from your past if you focus on it and allow yourself to start feeling again. Especially allowing yourself to feel the feelings of your past that you didn't allow yourself to feel at the time (did you follow that? Lol). It's hard work but the reward is huge. ((Hugs))

Hi and welcome. I am sorry that you are having a hard time with this. And at times you don't know what to do. It will get better for you. When you are felling like this please keep talking to us. Hugs Laya

Hello Laya!

Thanks for taking the time to offer words of encouragement.

Welcome peachgirl!!
Yep - daily struggle with eating and the urge to purge (lovely attempt at poetry, there!! lol) is present with me, as well. You're in the right place. Very encouraging and supportive in this group:)

I hope it's helped you to see that. Basically all of us struggle w some form of ED I urge associated w eating (especially in the early stages of ED recovery and refeeding). I'm learning to let the urges ride- distracting myself w other tasks, leaving the house, kitchen etc, I've found laying in my bed writing an ED dialogue to be helpful in as long as I stay there and write I can't practice compensatory behaviors. And writing the dialogue in my head and challenging the ED thoughts helps get through the cravings and impulses. How has it been going for you since this post?