i hurt so much right now you guys. ever since i set boundaries with mom, my eating disorder and ptsd have gotten worse. i am now depressed as a result of the ptsd. i flashback daily. this pushes me to starve and binge. i feel blessed if i am able to eat one full meal a day. my dietician dropped me yesterday. i had scheduled an appointment with her for yesterday, but i overslept. i had flashbacks sunday night. terrified, i couldn't sleep. i watched a disney movie to relax me, so when melissa showed up, i was in bed sleeping. i am so tired, and sick of fighting something that never seems to get better. i want to get better. i know i can't be an effective student, therapist, or representative of christ if i am ill. but i am at my wit's end. i don't know what to do besides stay in prayer and keep reaching out for help. i keep praying god will heal me and help me find the right help. i know my faith will pull me through. people keep telling me to forgive my mom, but how can i forgive her if she's haunting me? my heart aches all the time. god's love is the only thing keeping me alive right now.