
Eating Disorders Support Group
Eating disorders are marked by an obsessive need to control the intake and/or purging of food. This community is dedicated to those struggling on the road to recovery. Join to discuss your experience with others and find support. Get advice, ask questions, and meet others who are going through similar struggles.

xBlissx
Wow...ok so don't really know how to start this entry. I don't know what I'm feeling to be honest. I don't know, and yet at the same time it feels like the slightest thing would just make me emotionally 'crack'.
I have so many mixed feelings going on right now. Earlier on (as in about 2 hours ago) I had the thought "Fuck this, I don't want to spend my life like this anymore. I WANT to go back to work, I WANT to live my life again." .....
....Now 2 hours later and I'm thinking "Fuck this, I just want to resort back into my eating disorder, self harm, depressed self. I don't want to fight it anymore, I want to act out on it."
..................................... WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED!!! ...........................................
I've been feeling so mixed recently but this is just rediculous. When I was getting the positive thoughts I was just thinking...yeah, tomorrow I'm going to go into day patients and be like "I can do this, I can turn things around. I actually WANT to get better now!" I was feeling so motivated.....
....but it was all just FAKE! FAKE hope, FAKE belief, FAKE thinking!!! I can't lie myself into recovery! If I don't WANT to do it and don't believe I can I'm NEVER going to! I might as well just admit this is going to be my life and endulge in it!!!
x-Bliss-x
I have so many mixed feelings going on right now. Earlier on (as in about 2 hours ago) I had the thought "Fuck this, I don't want to spend my life like this anymore. I WANT to go back to work, I WANT to live my life again." .....
....Now 2 hours later and I'm thinking "Fuck this, I just want to resort back into my eating disorder, self harm, depressed self. I don't want to fight it anymore, I want to act out on it."
..................................... WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED!!! ...........................................
I've been feeling so mixed recently but this is just rediculous. When I was getting the positive thoughts I was just thinking...yeah, tomorrow I'm going to go into day patients and be like "I can do this, I can turn things around. I actually WANT to get better now!" I was feeling so motivated.....
....but it was all just FAKE! FAKE hope, FAKE belief, FAKE thinking!!! I can't lie myself into recovery! If I don't WANT to do it and don't believe I can I'm NEVER going to! I might as well just admit this is going to be my life and endulge in it!!!
x-Bliss-x
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However, you obviously can't lie yourself into recovery.
But you know that already.