Eating Disorders Support Group
Eating disorders are marked by an obsessive need to control the intake and/or purging of food. This community is dedicated to those struggling on the road to recovery. Join to discuss your experience with others and find support. Get advice, ask questions, and meet others who are going through similar struggles.
Today I had a sort of argument with my friend. I don't know how it started. I'm 170ish pounds. I'm 18 (female) by the way. I gain and lose weight very easily and quicky. I was explaining that I was frustrated because I had gained 2 pounds yesterday. I don't eat much anymore. This past week I ate 3 times a day. But I decided this morning that it was too much. He then explained oh that's nothing and I then said it's a lot to me. And he was asking why and I said well because fat is bad. It's bad to look that way. Everyone thinks so. Why else would there be gyms everywhere and all this diet stuff in stores and on tv? Cuz people don't like to look that way. And then he had said well that's a very narrow minded self esteem issue. And I then became frustrated. I explained that people don't like people that look that way. So he then said but you should live by what you like and what you're comfortable with. And then I explained that I just want people to like me. I have a wonderful personality everyone says that. But still for some reason they just don't want to be my friend. I have to be and do and look like what everyone else likes. You know all I want is friends. Then he said You liking you is the most important thing!!! It's irrelevant if I like my self. I'll like myself when other people like me. Well until I have friends I'm just going to have to assume something is wrong with me and I'm going to have to change everything. He then said I simply think it's a very large self esteem issue. And I became more frustrated. I then said no. I disagree. I think I'm great. I'm just apparently not good enough for anyone. Now I don't want to talk about it anymore. Then he had said okay.
I really don't think he's right. I don't have a problem with myself. Everyone else does.
Body shaming definitely exists, and it's so sad that we live in a culture that allows it. My best advice is to learn to like you for you no matter what size you are....cultivate your interests, and hobbies, and surround yourself with positive people. If you wouldn't judge someone based on their size, don't bother trying to please superficial people who only care about outward appearances. There's so much more to you than that :)
Since I don't know you personally I don't know if you have issues with self esteem but it sounds like your friend believes you do. But it also sounds like he accepts you the way you are and that is what we want in a friend.
You say you don't have a problem with yourself but you seem to be upset, or at least very aware, that you gained 2 pounds. My experience is that when we are that concerned about our weight we actually are not very confident and loving of ourselves. From everything I have learned about ED's self esteem issues do seem to be a major factor in their development.
There was a time when I changed who I was in order to be liked by those around me. I learned this from my family. It was the wrong lesson. And it was my responsibility to see what I was doing and change it. There was no reason for me to change who I was in order to be accepted. But, like you, I thought it had to be done. And I also got very angry when a therapist tried to help me understand that I needed to change and be me. But by 19 "me" was already gone. It took me another 30 years before I was able to find "me". I hope you don't have to wait that long.