This is my first post ever. I'm new here. My eating disorder has reared its ugly head full force again and I am feeling powerless over it all over again. The binge eating laxatives body dismorphyia anorexia all wrapped into one beautiful warped package is too much to bear at times and I don't know who would even begin to understand. Where do I start to unhinge this tangled mess? I just want to be normal. Not obsess over the food in the fridge or the little fat roll on my stomach that only I can probably see. This is no kind of life.