So I've had addiction issues for years now, I recently started to realize that in a odd way they were all connected to eachother. I'm a recovering alcoholic and addict, I now have 10 months clean and sober, and completed a three month rehab progrm.
On the other hand though I also have a history of not eating, and cutting myself as well. When I stopped getting fucked up, all I wanted to do was cut, and it got to the point I was scared of myself. After that I had asked for help and told on myself, I didn't want to overcome my other addictions just to loose my life from that one.
Now my issue is that I gained weight, being while I was gone I had to eat, and at first I was fine, I liked the weight, I continued to eat, I didn't mind it. In all I really thought that all in one I overcame all my addictions,wI'm realizing I hate myself so much, I hate how fat I am now, and I'm so embarrassed of the stret marks I have now.
See I never told anyone about my eating problems, and how I always hated myself because of the way I looked, because I never thought it was an issue, but now I'm realizing how much control it has over me, I haven't aten in three days, and I keep telling everyone its because my teeth hurt and that I wish I could eat, but I'm yet lying again. I never really understood this, and I still don't, being I never asked for help, I don't know whyl like this, I don't understand it.
If any of you could maybe help me out a little, so I can decide if I need to talk to my therapist, and get help for this, or what I should do, I'm so upset because I thought I finally got it, I finally beat my demons, but now this one is starting up again, and its worse than before, I've found myself in the bathroom trying to throw up recently, just because I don't want to gain anymore weight, and want to loose it. I'm sorry this is so long, I just really need some opinions. Thank you.