Eating Disorders Support Group
Eating disorders are marked by an obsessive need to control the intake and/or purging of food. This community is dedicated to those struggling on the road to recovery. Join to discuss your experience with others and find support. Get advice, ask questions, and meet others who are going through similar struggles.
Hey everyone,
I am struggling with Binge-eating disorder as well as metal disorders. I have never been thin before so I don't know how to stay motivated or what I should do. All I do is gain weight. I am 310lbs and my self esteem is at its lowest. I am only 19 years old and I feel like I can't keep living like this. I don't know where to begin to be honest. I have a hard time with both proportions and healthy food choices. I am not rich so all I can really afford is junk except for fruit and canned food. I am out of control and I use food like and addiction. I have no control and I feel like I can't get better on my own right now. Anyone have any ideas on what I can do?
-Kelsie
I learned during my healing process that ED's are coping mechanisms we use so we don't have to feel our feelings. This usually happens because, at some point in our past, it became unsafe to express our emotions. We were judged, yelled at, ignored - whatever the result of expressing emotions - it caused us to tuck our emotions away so no one could see them and we couldn't be hurt any more. But holding in all those feelings is difficult so we develop a way to cope with them such as developing an ED. BED is when we eat food to push down all those feelings that have started to be felt again. Any time we have a feeling that old programming kicks in telling us it's unsafe to express an emotion so we must push it down and not feel it any more. It's a vicious cycle because those feelings want to come out. Not to mention the fact that we are living our lives and have situations that bring back to feelings on, sometimes, a daily basis. This is why, when stressed, most of us turn to the ED so we can cope.
If you have trauma in your past it would be a good idea to look into healing it. I know you say that you do not have a lot of money but, if you are in the US, there are places that offer free counseling services. I was sexually, physically and emotionally abused by a neighbor and physically and emotionally abused at home. I had to heal all those traumas before I could even think about healing the ED. But as I healed my trauma's I learned how to allow myself to feel again and learned how to safely express my feelings which actually made it unnecessary for me to have an ED. Since I was releasing my feelings there was no need to use the ED to push them down anymore.
I know that 'out of control' feeling when you can't stop the binges and I'm sorry you are going through that right now. Many, when they feel a binge coming on, will write about their feelings in a journal or will try to distract themselves so they don't binge or, at the very least, postpone it. These are actually ways to cope with the ED rather than heal it in my opinion. You can completely heal the ED and any trauma's you have in your past and you deserve to heal. Please do look online for free counseling services in your area. Even if a counselor you get now may not help you fully heal it will help you cope with day to day stresses and that's half the battle. ((Hugs))