Eating Disorders Support Group

Eating disorders are marked by an obsessive need to control the intake and/or purging of food. This community is dedicated to those struggling on the road to recovery. Join to discuss your experience with others and find support. Get advice, ask questions, and meet others who are going through similar struggles.

3,896 Members
20,112 Posts
0 Online
Mental Health
/ Eating Disorders Support Group

Missing it?

Candyx
Candyx
Hey everyone.

Well my life is fine, things aren't amazing or anything but I am roling along nice, I have good friends, family and I am on a good career path. The things is sometimes when I am feeling down I actually miss the eating disorder days.

It's so odd I have been improving all the time since I got out of hospital two years ago, but yesterday after having not the best weekend I saw a picture of a very poorly anorexic girl, and the thought came into my head "I miss looking like that". It completely shocked me! I DO NOT want to go back to that, I am so much happier now.

Why do I miss how my life was back then sometimes when it was so awful?!
kmw
kmw
im the same,i miss days when i was skinnier or when i was really ill.i dont understand why. like why would anyone wish themselves ill?
deleted_user
deleted_user
I think this will happen to everyone in recovery, some more than others. After all ed did things for us that were positive in a twisted kind of way. It made us feel special, taken care off and being worried about. As long as you realize that your life now is so much healthier and happier and don't act on the ed thoughts I think you are doing great.
deleted_user
deleted_user
It could be maybe: grieving and losing the "love" you had for food, or the "love" for starving, what ever it was your ED had done. If it was for instance the only thing you knew for a long time, It could be missing the love of the relationship you had with food even though it was a bad relationship. It could be missing food as a best friend.
Just some ideas.
LynnLP
LynnLP
You've noticed this especially when you're feeling down? I think that makes a lot of sense. ED helped you cope for a while. It's not where you want to be, but it makes sense that the thoughts would come back in times of stress or when you're feeling vulnerable.

Good work recognizing the thoughts and writing them here! What else do you have in your coping strategies for times when you're not feeling the best?
deleted_user
deleted_user
i can totally relate to that. i've been a recovered cutter for over a year now, but i still miss it sometimes. and also i still have an ed but last year it way way worse, and i do look back sometimes and kind of wish i could go back to it. even though it was hell. so i don't know what the deal is, but you're not alone.
Candyx
Candyx
Thanks everyone, it really helps to know I am not alone and that these thoughts don't necessarily mean relapse. I am fairly sure I would never turn back to ED but the fear will always be there!

My coping strategies include reminding myself of the three main reasons I recovered, which for me were life experiences, feminine figure and personality, when I was an inpatient they told me to write these down on a little green spot and carry it with me, it really helps.

I also just refect on my diaries, pictures and memories of when I was ill and times were hard, it doesn't take much to remind me how unhappy I was. And then think of al the things I've gained the further I move away from anorexia.

I recently lost a friend to the illness, such a marvelous, pretty, friendly person with so much to offer. Thinking about this waste of a wonderful person gets me so mad at the ED I have to rebel!